----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Subject: Two Surgeries scheduled for today, December 30th
Our son David is having surgery on his shoulder today and we would appreciate your prayer for a speedy recovery for him, and it looks like I will have the reconstruction surgery today too, December 30 at 1:00.
I have been to the doctor or a lab five times since the surgery was delayed on December 10. If my day goes as planned, I'll have my surgery at 1:00 and be home to sleep in my own bed--or maybe on the recliner tonight.
One of the verses I read this morning was Jeremiah 10:23, "The way of a man is not in himself; it is not in man (even a strong man or in man at his best) to direct his (own) steps."
We buy planners and calendars this time of the year and we try to plan what each day will hold, but the truth is we really do not know what the day will bring. I'm okay with that, because I trust the One who knows it all. A few days ago I was talking to a man who is currently undergoing treatment for pancreatic cancer. He and his wife said they were trying to have faith. (I presumed that they meant trying to believe that he will be healed.)
I told them that when I was in the middle of my treatments I often sang a song based on a statement of Paul, "For me to live is Christ. To die is gain." The song says: "If I live, well, praise the Lord! If I die, well, Praise the Lord! If I live or die my only cry will be--Jesus in me. Praise the Lord!" I felt peace trusting God to work out the details of my life. I know the Bible has a lot to say about the miracle of healing--and the very fact that I am up and working full time and able to write this day is a testimony of incredible healing that has occurred in my body.
But the Bible also has a lot to say about death. Believers are supposed to die too. Most word pictures that the Bible uses to describe death point to a gradual change of the body. Flowers fade, grass withers, vapor vanishes. The Bible does not use a lightening bolt to describe death--although some people do die in an instant. We can see changes in the flower before it drops to the ground. And you can see the changes in the body of most people who approach death. The Bible tells us to expect that. So if my time to die comes in a predictable way that is not going to rock my faith at all. The focus of my faith has nothing to do with my body. I have faith in God. I believe God's Word is true. When I feel great--God's Word is true. When I draw my last breath--God's Word will be just as true then, and I look forward to the day when I see Jesus face to face. But while I'm here, I can trust him to work out all the details of my life. Delays, detours, celebrations, crisis--God is with me in everything.
I can say I certainly enjoyed the benefits of the delay--I picked up my grandchildren and walked and bounced them and carried them to my heart's delight with no lifting restrictions.
Thank you for all your prayers. I think David has a more difficult surgery than I do so remember him especially.
Love,
Fink
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Surgery Delayed
----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Subject: Surgery Delayed
“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” Proverbs 27:1
I thought of that verse this morning as I listened to the news while we were in the waiting room of the surgery center. A military plane crashed and four people were killed who were in their own home minding their own business.
I commented to Jerry—“You never know what a day is going to bring.”
Well, before my day was done it had an unexpected twist too.
I expected to have my surgery today at 7:30, and was well on the way to the operating table. I had not had anything to eat or drink since mid-night—not even a glass of water. We arrived at the surgery center before 6:00 a.m. I put on my hospital gown and hat, had the EKG, the IV had been inserted, I signed the papers, talked to the anesthesiologist, etc. I expected to be wheeled into to operating room in about 15 minutes when I was told one of the labs from my blood came back with number that could indicate a risk. So nurse took some more blood and sent it to the hospital to run the test again, and got the same results. So I was sent home and the test will be repeated on Friday morning.
I am not sure why I had this delay, but I do know the good Lord knows what he is doing and I can rest in that.
Thank you for your prayers. They are always needed.
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Subject: Surgery Delayed
“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” Proverbs 27:1
I thought of that verse this morning as I listened to the news while we were in the waiting room of the surgery center. A military plane crashed and four people were killed who were in their own home minding their own business.
I commented to Jerry—“You never know what a day is going to bring.”
Well, before my day was done it had an unexpected twist too.
I expected to have my surgery today at 7:30, and was well on the way to the operating table. I had not had anything to eat or drink since mid-night—not even a glass of water. We arrived at the surgery center before 6:00 a.m. I put on my hospital gown and hat, had the EKG, the IV had been inserted, I signed the papers, talked to the anesthesiologist, etc. I expected to be wheeled into to operating room in about 15 minutes when I was told one of the labs from my blood came back with number that could indicate a risk. So nurse took some more blood and sent it to the hospital to run the test again, and got the same results. So I was sent home and the test will be repeated on Friday morning.
I am not sure why I had this delay, but I do know the good Lord knows what he is doing and I can rest in that.
Thank you for your prayers. They are always needed.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Reconstruction surgery scheduled 12/10/2008
----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Monday, December 08, 2008
Subject: Please pray about the next surgery
This morning I had an appointment at North Hills Surgery Center for pre-op work, and another appointment with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Atwood. The surgery for the next part of the reconstruction will be this Wednesday, December 10th at 7:30 a.m.
This operation will "remove the tissue expander in my right breast, create a breast pocked and place a permanent reconstructive breast prosthesis." I also plan to have the port that was used for chemotherapy removed from the left side. The port has been there since September 12, 2007, and I'm very grateful that my doctors do not feel that it is needed any longer.
This will be a one day surgery, and if all goes well, I expect to be back at work Monday, December 15. Please pray that I will not have any infections or complications.
I am so grateful for all of you who have been praying for my health all along. It is working. Several co-workers and relatives, including my husband, have been quite sick with colds, bronchitis, etc. I have not been sick, and it looks very much like the surgery will go forward as scheduled. I thank the Lord for that. The tissue expander is quite uncomfortable and I've heard the real implant will be better. I sure hope it is.
Initially, there will be discomfort--of course. I am supposed to sleep on my back for several days, and for two weeks wear a bra at all times--even in bed. The tissue expander has been a pain and eventually I expect to be able to sleep better when it is removed. Sometimes the pain radiates down my right arm and I hope that will get better too. You can also pray that I won't have a capsular contracture--that would make the implant hard and uncomfortable (like the tissue expander). Since I had radiation, I am at risk for that complication and for lymphedema. A few days after surgery Dr. Atwood plans to show me some things I can do to help prevent contractures, but when it comes right down to it, I know the good Lord will need to provide the healing touch. Doctors can cut and sew, and do marvelous things, but ultimately I look to the Lord for my healing.
Thank you so very much for your prayers and your friendship.
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Monday, December 08, 2008
Subject: Please pray about the next surgery
This morning I had an appointment at North Hills Surgery Center for pre-op work, and another appointment with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Atwood. The surgery for the next part of the reconstruction will be this Wednesday, December 10th at 7:30 a.m.
This operation will "remove the tissue expander in my right breast, create a breast pocked and place a permanent reconstructive breast prosthesis." I also plan to have the port that was used for chemotherapy removed from the left side. The port has been there since September 12, 2007, and I'm very grateful that my doctors do not feel that it is needed any longer.
This will be a one day surgery, and if all goes well, I expect to be back at work Monday, December 15. Please pray that I will not have any infections or complications.
I am so grateful for all of you who have been praying for my health all along. It is working. Several co-workers and relatives, including my husband, have been quite sick with colds, bronchitis, etc. I have not been sick, and it looks very much like the surgery will go forward as scheduled. I thank the Lord for that. The tissue expander is quite uncomfortable and I've heard the real implant will be better. I sure hope it is.
Initially, there will be discomfort--of course. I am supposed to sleep on my back for several days, and for two weeks wear a bra at all times--even in bed. The tissue expander has been a pain and eventually I expect to be able to sleep better when it is removed. Sometimes the pain radiates down my right arm and I hope that will get better too. You can also pray that I won't have a capsular contracture--that would make the implant hard and uncomfortable (like the tissue expander). Since I had radiation, I am at risk for that complication and for lymphedema. A few days after surgery Dr. Atwood plans to show me some things I can do to help prevent contractures, but when it comes right down to it, I know the good Lord will need to provide the healing touch. Doctors can cut and sew, and do marvelous things, but ultimately I look to the Lord for my healing.
Thank you so very much for your prayers and your friendship.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Reconstruction Surgery Scheduled
From: Fink Holloway
Some of you who have read all my updates will remember that I struggled over the decision of whether to have reconstruction or not. I was so tired of pain and doctors visits, I wondered: Why would anyone choose to have additional pain and surgeries?
Right now is a good time to remind myself of the reason:
Because the pain is temporary and the outcome is permanent.
Every time I go back to Dr. Atwood's office and get more saline fluid added to my tissue expander I am more uncomfortable. Lately, the right adjective is not "uncomfortable" . At this point I have some pretty serious pain for the first few days after having fluid added. Sleep is difficult. And just about the time the tissues have stretched enough that I can almost function normally, it is time to go back for another fill. Ouch!!!
This challenge has given me more empathy for people who live with pain, as well as more respect for my daughter and others who have oral surgery or wear braces. They know what it is to go into the office feeling okay and walk out hurting. Eventually, the braces come off and leave a beautiful smile, but the process of moving the teeth is quite painful.
Hopefully, I had my last fill October 15, and the surgery is scheduled for December 10. My skin is red and it is really tight. I'll be glad when the tissue expander is removed and I get the implant which is supposed to feel more natural.
There are many situations where there is "pain" before "gain". John 16:21 speaks of it this way:
"A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world."
Speaking of a child being born:
Jerry and I have a new granddaughter!! Joseph and Janelle have a new daughter: Aliyah Elisabeth Holloway was born September 18 in Seneca, South Carolina. We are going to see her at Thanksgiving.
David and Brittney are expecting a new baby in March!!
Thank you for your prayers.
Some of you who have read all my updates will remember that I struggled over the decision of whether to have reconstruction or not. I was so tired of pain and doctors visits, I wondered: Why would anyone choose to have additional pain and surgeries?
Right now is a good time to remind myself of the reason:
Because the pain is temporary and the outcome is permanent.
Every time I go back to Dr. Atwood's office and get more saline fluid added to my tissue expander I am more uncomfortable. Lately, the right adjective is not "uncomfortable" . At this point I have some pretty serious pain for the first few days after having fluid added. Sleep is difficult. And just about the time the tissues have stretched enough that I can almost function normally, it is time to go back for another fill. Ouch!!!
This challenge has given me more empathy for people who live with pain, as well as more respect for my daughter and others who have oral surgery or wear braces. They know what it is to go into the office feeling okay and walk out hurting. Eventually, the braces come off and leave a beautiful smile, but the process of moving the teeth is quite painful.
Hopefully, I had my last fill October 15, and the surgery is scheduled for December 10. My skin is red and it is really tight. I'll be glad when the tissue expander is removed and I get the implant which is supposed to feel more natural.
There are many situations where there is "pain" before "gain". John 16:21 speaks of it this way:
"A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world."
Speaking of a child being born:
Jerry and I have a new granddaughter!! Joseph and Janelle have a new daughter: Aliyah Elisabeth Holloway was born September 18 in Seneca, South Carolina. We are going to see her at Thanksgiving.
David and Brittney are expecting a new baby in March!!
Thank you for your prayers.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
No News is Good News
----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2008
You’ve probably heard the saying: “No news is good news.” That has been true for me. I haven’t written lately because I have been very busy. It has been hard to find time to write because I have been on the go nearly all the time.
I have returned to work full time. From September to February, I only worked half time. There were many days I did not make it in at all due to chemo or the secondary infections it caused. I was out for six weeks following the mastectomy. When I finally began to recover from that surgery I had six weeks of radiation. I worked a maximum of 30 hours a week while on radiation. So I had not worked full-time since September 2007.
In the middle of June when I started working full-time, there was a ton of work waiting for me at the Schmieding Center for Senior Health and Education. We are expanding our outreach, so that makes more work. And I am not the only person who has been out. It is vacation time, and several others have been out of the office due to illness or personal crisis too. So my days at the office are very full. I don’t mind the longer days—it feels good to be back, and it feels good to attempt to cover for others. For nine months my co-workers helped carry my load. I am grateful to be strong enough to work full-time and grateful for opportunity to help others.
Our kids who live in South Carolina, Joseph & Janelle & Josiah Holloway, spent several days with us in June. We got to celebrate Josiah’s first birthday. And we also went with Janelle to “What’s Kickin’”--a business that does sonograms. We got to watch the new baby on a big screen, listen to its heart beat, and we learned that their next child will be a girl! She is due October 2nd.
David and Brittney purchased a new home in Farmington and sometimes we have been involved with helping them paint. Sometimes I just play with Brooklynn while they work, and that is fun for both of us.
I got a good report when I went for my follow up appointment one month after my last radiation treatment. Dr. Ross (the radiation oncologist) said I did not need to come back for a year. I have met with my plastic surgeon, and the next part of reconstruction will not be until late summer or perhaps in the fall. Radiation causes the muscle tissue to shrink and he wants to give my body time to heal before the next step.
I want to thank all of you who have been so faithful to pray for me. My hip still has some issues and the nerves in my arm that were cut to remove the lymph nodes can be a pain, but I really do feel blessed. I am beginning to feel strong again. I cannot do the same exercise routine that I used to do, but I can tell I am gaining strength each week. The physical therapist recommended that I not use walking for my exercise until the bursitis in my hip clears up so we purchased a recumbent bicycle, and I enjoy riding it.
While it is a huge blessing to feel physically strong, but the most important strength comes from the Lord--not from exercise. Physical strength comes and goes. Right after surgery I was not supposed to lift anything that weighed more than two pounds with either hand. But the strength that comes from the Lord is constant.
"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength in whom I trust." Psalm 18:3
“Behold, God is my salvation,
I will trust and not be afraid;
For Yah, the Lord is my strength and song;
He also has become my salvation.
Therefore with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.”
Isaiah 12:2-3
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2008
You’ve probably heard the saying: “No news is good news.” That has been true for me. I haven’t written lately because I have been very busy. It has been hard to find time to write because I have been on the go nearly all the time.
I have returned to work full time. From September to February, I only worked half time. There were many days I did not make it in at all due to chemo or the secondary infections it caused. I was out for six weeks following the mastectomy. When I finally began to recover from that surgery I had six weeks of radiation. I worked a maximum of 30 hours a week while on radiation. So I had not worked full-time since September 2007.
In the middle of June when I started working full-time, there was a ton of work waiting for me at the Schmieding Center for Senior Health and Education. We are expanding our outreach, so that makes more work. And I am not the only person who has been out. It is vacation time, and several others have been out of the office due to illness or personal crisis too. So my days at the office are very full. I don’t mind the longer days—it feels good to be back, and it feels good to attempt to cover for others. For nine months my co-workers helped carry my load. I am grateful to be strong enough to work full-time and grateful for opportunity to help others.
Our kids who live in South Carolina, Joseph & Janelle & Josiah Holloway, spent several days with us in June. We got to celebrate Josiah’s first birthday. And we also went with Janelle to “What’s Kickin’”--a business that does sonograms. We got to watch the new baby on a big screen, listen to its heart beat, and we learned that their next child will be a girl! She is due October 2nd.
David and Brittney purchased a new home in Farmington and sometimes we have been involved with helping them paint. Sometimes I just play with Brooklynn while they work, and that is fun for both of us.
I got a good report when I went for my follow up appointment one month after my last radiation treatment. Dr. Ross (the radiation oncologist) said I did not need to come back for a year. I have met with my plastic surgeon, and the next part of reconstruction will not be until late summer or perhaps in the fall. Radiation causes the muscle tissue to shrink and he wants to give my body time to heal before the next step.
I want to thank all of you who have been so faithful to pray for me. My hip still has some issues and the nerves in my arm that were cut to remove the lymph nodes can be a pain, but I really do feel blessed. I am beginning to feel strong again. I cannot do the same exercise routine that I used to do, but I can tell I am gaining strength each week. The physical therapist recommended that I not use walking for my exercise until the bursitis in my hip clears up so we purchased a recumbent bicycle, and I enjoy riding it.
While it is a huge blessing to feel physically strong, but the most important strength comes from the Lord--not from exercise. Physical strength comes and goes. Right after surgery I was not supposed to lift anything that weighed more than two pounds with either hand. But the strength that comes from the Lord is constant.
"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength in whom I trust." Psalm 18:3
“Behold, God is my salvation,
I will trust and not be afraid;
For Yah, the Lord is my strength and song;
He also has become my salvation.
Therefore with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.”
Isaiah 12:2-3
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
"Ready to Go", Tribute to Bo Duncan
Charles “Bo” Duncan died from a heart attack last night. He was a first cousin to Jerry and lived just down the road from us.
His death was totally unexpected and I wrote this tribute to him this morning. Please pray for his wife and family, and for the members of the church where he was the pastor in Huntsville, AR.
Fink Holloway
Schmieding Center for Senior Health and Education
Administrative Assistant
His death was totally unexpected and I wrote this tribute to him this morning. Please pray for his wife and family, and for the members of the church where he was the pastor in Huntsville, AR.
“Ready to Go”
A Tribute to Bo Duncan
By Fink Holloway May 14, 2008
A Tribute to Bo Duncan
By Fink Holloway May 14, 2008
I know a fine man, who is called Bo.
He lived beyond the status quo.
And none of us thought that Bo
Would be the next one to go.
His death stunned us like a blow
And shook us all from head to toe.
But there is one thing we all know
If anyone loved God—it was Bo.
He loved his wife and family so,
And he loved us too. It really did show.
And we can find comfort because we know
Bo was right with God and ready to go.
Now all of us that live below
Ought to take lessons from our friend Bo.
Let your love for God and for others show.
None of us know when it will be our turn to go.
So make peace with God and then you’ll know
If God calls me today, I’m ready to go.
He lived beyond the status quo.
And none of us thought that Bo
Would be the next one to go.
His death stunned us like a blow
And shook us all from head to toe.
But there is one thing we all know
If anyone loved God—it was Bo.
He loved his wife and family so,
And he loved us too. It really did show.
And we can find comfort because we know
Bo was right with God and ready to go.
Now all of us that live below
Ought to take lessons from our friend Bo.
Let your love for God and for others show.
None of us know when it will be our turn to go.
So make peace with God and then you’ll know
If God calls me today, I’m ready to go.
Schmieding Center for Senior Health and Education
Administrative Assistant
Monday, May 12, 2008
Last Radiation Treatment on May 9th
From: Fink Holloway Sent: Monday, May 12, 2008
This has been a week-end to celebrate!! Today is Mother’s Day! I thank God for a godly mother who continues to be an inspiration to me at age 91!
This has been a week-end to celebrate!! Today is Mother’s Day! I thank God for a godly mother who continues to be an inspiration to me at age 91!
Here's my mom, Gladys Finkenbinder with Josiah, her great-grandson.
And I’m grateful the privilege of being a mother. I am a happy mother. Some who hear the words “Happy Mother’s Day” do not have much to celebrate. Proverbs 10:1 says “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother.” I feel joy because our children are a blessing to me and to others. They love the Lord and have all been a wonderful support during my treatments and surgeries, and I am extremely grateful.
Friday, May 9 was special for three reasons:
1. May 9th is Janelle Holloway’s birthday, and I am grateful for her and for Brittney Holloway. These wonderful daughter-in-laws are terrific mothers to our grandchildren. It does a granny’s heart good to see that her grandchildren have a mom that loves them immensely.
2. I had my last radiation treatment on May 9th!! So I am done with that step, and really I am feeling pretty good.
I am tempted to say “I am not just done, I am WELL DONE.” Radiation does tend to cause skin irritation like a bad sun burn. Some of my skin handled the treatments quite well and I am grateful for that. Near my arm pit the skin became very red and it is peeling. Along my shoulder and at the top of my back there is a place with an itch reminds me of the poison ivy itch. I did not expect the radiation to affect any skin on my back as well as my chest, and I have never had a sun burn that itches the way this does. I asked if it could be poison ivy, but they said it was from the radiation too. Fortunately, I am finished with the radiation treatments now and my skin will be getting better. It will take a couple weeks or more to heal so continue to pray for that. You can also pray that I will give myself adequate time to rest and recover. The fatigue that accompanies radiation has sent me to bed early a few times, and I took a nap today. I am prone to push onward, but I do realize that my body needs extra rest. So you can pray that I use wisdom as I plan my days.
3. Sharon’s graduation ceremonies began May 9th with the Honor
s Commencement Ceremony at the Student Union.
Then she walked with all the other graduates from University of Arkansas Saturday, May 10th at Bud Walton Arena.
Although Sharon actually finished her degree in Music with emphasis in Music Theory and Piano Performance last December, it was great to celebrate her accomplishments and with all the others. Pray that God will give her wisdom for the next step. The University of Arkansas and Oklahoma University have both encouraged her to attend their graduate school. Offers of money for an assistantship are being discussed.
I also wish you would pray for Joseph and Janelle who are on a missions trip in the Middle East. Joseph and Janelle will return May 20. Pray that God will lead them to the people who are hungry to know more about Jesus and for good health and their safety as they travel.
I thank all of you for your prayers and support.
Love,
Fink
Friday, April 25, 2008
Results of MRI, no bone cancer!
----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Friday, April 25, 2008
I received some good news on Wednesday. Dr. Ross, my radiation oncologist, was able to give me a report of the MRI I had on Friday. The pain is NOT caused by bone cancer! Dr. Beck was the one who ordered the MRI and since he was out of town all week, I thought I would have to wait until my appointment next Tuesday to get the news.
When I realized that someone at NARTI could call and get the report for Dr. Ross, I was glad the wait would be over, but I also felt little scared. I was by myself the first time I got the news "It looks like cancer", and I was by myself that day too. I planned to have my husband with me when I went to see Dr. Beck just incase this report had the word "metastasized". Actually the report did have that word, but the words: NO EVIDENCE were in front of it. As it turned out it was a big relief to get the news early.
My verse for today is, "In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." I Thessalonians 5:16 If the report had shown that I had bone cancer, it still would be a day to give thanks to God. The condition of my body or my circumstances do not change the love of God or his greatness in any way. So whether we get the good news we want or not, God is still worthy of our praise. But I am quick to admit: it is much easier to give thanks with joy when you have just gotten good news.
Thanks for all your prayers. I only have 11 radiation treatments to go.
Fink
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Friday, April 25, 2008
I received some good news on Wednesday. Dr. Ross, my radiation oncologist, was able to give me a report of the MRI I had on Friday. The pain is NOT caused by bone cancer! Dr. Beck was the one who ordered the MRI and since he was out of town all week, I thought I would have to wait until my appointment next Tuesday to get the news.
When I realized that someone at NARTI could call and get the report for Dr. Ross, I was glad the wait would be over, but I also felt little scared. I was by myself the first time I got the news "It looks like cancer", and I was by myself that day too. I planned to have my husband with me when I went to see Dr. Beck just incase this report had the word "metastasized". Actually the report did have that word, but the words: NO EVIDENCE were in front of it. As it turned out it was a big relief to get the news early.
My verse for today is, "In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." I Thessalonians 5:16 If the report had shown that I had bone cancer, it still would be a day to give thanks to God. The condition of my body or my circumstances do not change the love of God or his greatness in any way. So whether we get the good news we want or not, God is still worthy of our praise. But I am quick to admit: it is much easier to give thanks with joy when you have just gotten good news.
Thanks for all your prayers. I only have 11 radiation treatments to go.
Fink
Monday, April 21, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Completed 15 Radiation Treatments
The last time I wrote, the computers at Northwest Arkansas Radiation Therapy Institute (NARTI) were down so everyone had their treatment delayed two days. We are back on schedule now: five days a week. I have completed 15 radiation treatments and I have 15 more to go. For the most part, I am doing very well. I have met several new friends because of my radiation treatments and I am grateful for that. I am able to work about 30 hours a week, and attend church. The skin in the treatment area has started turning red but it is not very painful at this time. I use a Vitamin E cream on it twice a day.
Many of you have heard me express concerns about some other pains I have that probably do not have anything to do with the cancer. My left hip started hurting last November, and now my right arm has a distinct ache too. This may be arthritis or bursitis or something like that. I had excellent health before my cancer diagnosis and could work or exercise and sleep without pain. Now I take something for pain three or four times a day and it is fairly common for me to wake up in the night aching.
I have spoken with my physicians about this several times and even had a hip x-ray last year. The x-ray did not pin point the problem. At that time Dr. Beck thought the pain was probably bursitis and mentioned that one treatment for that is a steroid shot. Since I had thrush I could not have steroids because that would make the thrush worse. Another common treatment for bursitis is anti-inflammatory medicines. I could not use those two weeks before or after my surgery because they tend to thin the blood.
A few weeks after surgery I started taking ibuprofen (an anti-imflammatory med) to see if that would make my hip better. I’ve gone through a whole bottle, but I still ache. So I decided to speak to Dr. Beck about that steroid shot on Friday, April 18. He decided to schedule an MRI on my hip so we will know for sure what we are treating and they were able to do it that day.
The position I was in for the MRI made my hip hurt really bad. Normally when I am hurting it helps to change positions. They don’t want you to move at all during the MRI and that was one of the longest hours of my life! I am not sure when I will know the results. When I left the MRI area, I was given an appointment card to see Dr. Beck on Tuesday the 29. He is out of town this week.
Whether the pain is caused by A, B, or C (Arthritis, Bursitis, or Cancer) or something else-- I appreciate your prayers. I’ll let you know when I find out.
One thing I am learning from this is the ability to empathize with people live with illnesses and chronic pain. Many people who are healthy try to sympathize with people who are suffering. I have prayed and offered words of comfort to others with cancer or illnesses all my life. But when I took the hand of a friend who was waiting at NARTI and prayed for her last week, it was different. I wear the hospital robe and face daily treatment too.
So if you are going through a hard time remember 2 Corinthians 1:4-7. That passage does not promise: “You won’t have any troubles.” It says God comforts us in our all troubles so we can pass it on.
Many of you have heard me express concerns about some other pains I have that probably do not have anything to do with the cancer. My left hip started hurting last November, and now my right arm has a distinct ache too. This may be arthritis or bursitis or something like that. I had excellent health before my cancer diagnosis and could work or exercise and sleep without pain. Now I take something for pain three or four times a day and it is fairly common for me to wake up in the night aching.
I have spoken with my physicians about this several times and even had a hip x-ray last year. The x-ray did not pin point the problem. At that time Dr. Beck thought the pain was probably bursitis and mentioned that one treatment for that is a steroid shot. Since I had thrush I could not have steroids because that would make the thrush worse. Another common treatment for bursitis is anti-inflammatory medicines. I could not use those two weeks before or after my surgery because they tend to thin the blood.
A few weeks after surgery I started taking ibuprofen (an anti-imflammatory med) to see if that would make my hip better. I’ve gone through a whole bottle, but I still ache. So I decided to speak to Dr. Beck about that steroid shot on Friday, April 18. He decided to schedule an MRI on my hip so we will know for sure what we are treating and they were able to do it that day.
The position I was in for the MRI made my hip hurt really bad. Normally when I am hurting it helps to change positions. They don’t want you to move at all during the MRI and that was one of the longest hours of my life! I am not sure when I will know the results. When I left the MRI area, I was given an appointment card to see Dr. Beck on Tuesday the 29. He is out of town this week.
Whether the pain is caused by A, B, or C (Arthritis, Bursitis, or Cancer) or something else-- I appreciate your prayers. I’ll let you know when I find out.
One thing I am learning from this is the ability to empathize with people live with illnesses and chronic pain. Many people who are healthy try to sympathize with people who are suffering. I have prayed and offered words of comfort to others with cancer or illnesses all my life. But when I took the hand of a friend who was waiting at NARTI and prayed for her last week, it was different. I wear the hospital robe and face daily treatment too.
So if you are going through a hard time remember 2 Corinthians 1:4-7. That passage does not promise: “You won’t have any troubles.” It says God comforts us in our all troubles so we can pass it on.
2 Corinthians 1:4-7
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
Did you notice the phrase: “Patient Endurance”? I did. Those words challenged me. To be honest, I would rather have instant gratification. But some seasons require patient endurance.
I am glad that patience is a Fruit of the Spirit. Or you could say “Patience is from the Holy Spirit”. It is not something I have to manufacture myself. I am not naturally a very patient person, but the Holy Spirit can produce patience.
If I will consider myself to be an actor in a play that is written by God, and if I allow the Holy Spirit be the producer/director; if I will read the script He provides, then my words are going to sound patient even though I am not naturally that way. If I will listen, I’ll hear God’s voice calling out to me “Cut!” when I start acting like the person who wants my way right now.
The more I take my lines and my personality from His script (the Bible), the more I am going to sound like him. I want my words and my attitude to honor the Lord. I want to “act” like the person he had in his mind when he wrote my part. Pray that I will let the director direct my life. And pray that I will let the producer produce his fruit and his character in me. Pray that I will patiently endure. God is patient. I want to be patient too.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Radiate Joy
----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Monday, March 31, 2008 10:33 PM
For the first seven months of this cancer journey my key phrase was "Pure Joy". Now that I have started radiation I have an additional slogan: "Radiate Joy".
I started radiation therapy Thursday, March 27. The first session lasted more than 30 minutes, but the next treatment only took about 10 minutes. That is what is expected for the future. Even with a 10 minute routine, most of the time is spent getting set-up. I am "zapped" in five different places each day, so there are five different times the equipment is adjusted for me. When it is in just right place the radiation therapists leave the room so they don't get zapped too. There are cameras so they can see me and they could hear me if I called to them. I've never felt the need to call for them. I try to relax and lay completely still, which is a bit of a challenge since it is not very comfortable.
During the radiation treatment I can hear the machine making noises, but I don’t actually feel anything. I have never “felt” an X-Ray either. So in some ways radiation is similar an X-Ray. With both it takes more time to get you into the right position than for the procedure. One big difference is in the amount of time the patient is exposed. Before the mastectomy I had my lungs X-Rayed and that only took a second or two at the most. During each phase of radiation I can count to 15 or to 25 while the machine is doing its thing. And I am supposed to have treatments 5 days a week for 6 weeks. All that exposure is likely to cause side effects that I will feel. Fatigue is the most common. Several ladies I've talked to who have had radiation have told me that 4-5 weeks into the treatment their skin turned red, or started to blister.
I've only had two treatments, so right now I am not feeling tired; my skin is not red and I am grateful for that. I have started working 30 hours a week now, and it feels very good to be back.
I was scheduled to have radiation today (and every week-day) but when I arrived, I was told the computer that regulates the dose for each person was down. They called tonight and told me NOT to come in at my regular time in the morning because they are still having problems with the computer.
So I don't know when my next treatment will be. It could be as early as tomorrow afternoon. They said they would call.
One thing I am sure about: God knows what each day holds for me, and he knows how to hold me, and guide me through each one.
Some people look at verses like Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God; to them who are the called according to his purpose" and mistakenly think: "All things are supposed to work together to make me feel good right now." Wrong! Testing and trials are like radiation and chemo. In reality, the goal of radiation or chemo is not to make a person feel good. Initially, those treatments can cause a person to feel quite miserable. But doctors who care have prescribed them because they can see how it works together for my good.
During the times when God lets you go through circumstances that don't feel good, remember: He is working for your good.
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Monday, March 31, 2008 10:33 PM
For the first seven months of this cancer journey my key phrase was "Pure Joy". Now that I have started radiation I have an additional slogan: "Radiate Joy".
I started radiation therapy Thursday, March 27. The first session lasted more than 30 minutes, but the next treatment only took about 10 minutes. That is what is expected for the future. Even with a 10 minute routine, most of the time is spent getting set-up. I am "zapped" in five different places each day, so there are five different times the equipment is adjusted for me. When it is in just right place the radiation therapists leave the room so they don't get zapped too. There are cameras so they can see me and they could hear me if I called to them. I've never felt the need to call for them. I try to relax and lay completely still, which is a bit of a challenge since it is not very comfortable.
During the radiation treatment I can hear the machine making noises, but I don’t actually feel anything. I have never “felt” an X-Ray either. So in some ways radiation is similar an X-Ray. With both it takes more time to get you into the right position than for the procedure. One big difference is in the amount of time the patient is exposed. Before the mastectomy I had my lungs X-Rayed and that only took a second or two at the most. During each phase of radiation I can count to 15 or to 25 while the machine is doing its thing. And I am supposed to have treatments 5 days a week for 6 weeks. All that exposure is likely to cause side effects that I will feel. Fatigue is the most common. Several ladies I've talked to who have had radiation have told me that 4-5 weeks into the treatment their skin turned red, or started to blister.
I've only had two treatments, so right now I am not feeling tired; my skin is not red and I am grateful for that. I have started working 30 hours a week now, and it feels very good to be back.
I was scheduled to have radiation today (and every week-day) but when I arrived, I was told the computer that regulates the dose for each person was down. They called tonight and told me NOT to come in at my regular time in the morning because they are still having problems with the computer.
So I don't know when my next treatment will be. It could be as early as tomorrow afternoon. They said they would call.
One thing I am sure about: God knows what each day holds for me, and he knows how to hold me, and guide me through each one.
Some people look at verses like Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God; to them who are the called according to his purpose" and mistakenly think: "All things are supposed to work together to make me feel good right now." Wrong! Testing and trials are like radiation and chemo. In reality, the goal of radiation or chemo is not to make a person feel good. Initially, those treatments can cause a person to feel quite miserable. But doctors who care have prescribed them because they can see how it works together for my good.
During the times when God lets you go through circumstances that don't feel good, remember: He is working for your good.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Explanation of Blog Title
----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Monday, March 24, 2008
Some of you who have recently started getting my e-mail updates may not know why I call this a “Pure Joy Update”. On the day I had my mammogram I had had 5 cards in my pocket with verses I was trying to memorize from James chapter 1.
James 1:2 states: “Consider it pure joy when ever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”
I have focused on that verse and tried to cultivate joy along the way. During the times when I feel like crying, I do cry—but even that brings me joy. It is comforting to know that I don’t have to pretend to have joy. I am glad to know that Jesus was also “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). Since “Jesus wept” (John 11:35) I feel the freedom to weep too and pour out my heart to God when my emotions are high. And he has brought comfort and hope to me in so many ways.
Yesterday, when our Sunday school class was about to begin with the opening prayer, I leaned towards a young woman who probably did not know where I am with my treatment at this time. I reached over, took her hand and whispered, “I expect to start radiation this week.” She began to pray almost silently. The only voice I could hear clearly was that of our teacher leading the opening prayer. But when a tear dropped off her face and hit my hand, I was reminded that many people that I don’t see every day really do care. The concern that was evident blessed me in a big way.
I am continuing to get stronger. I was able to work half time last week. And my hair is getting longer. My hair style resembles a crew cut, but the texture of my hair is still quite soft (and it is quite thin too). I remember the hair on my boys’ heads felt stubby when they had a hair cut that short.
I had two doctors appointments last week:
On Monday ,March 17, I saw Dr. Atwood, my plastic surgeon and he added 50 cc of fluid to my tissue expander. My skin was already quite tight and I wondered if I really needed to add more fluid, but he said the tissues will shrink in response to the radiation, so he wanted to add some fluid now. We will not be able to move forward with reconstruction any more until several weeks after radiation is complete.
Wednesday I went to NARTI to meet with Dr. Ross--the radiation oncologist and to have my CT-Scan and be marked. I had assumed the purpose of the marks was to indicate where to aim the beams of radiation, but that is not the case. The marks are to make sure I lay in exactly the same position for every treatment. They also made a mold of my body before the scan and the mold was also marked. I had heard about the mold from a friend who has also gone through radiation, but I was quite surprised at how it was made and how quickly it was made.
I was asked to lie on a bag that contained small Styrofoam beads. It was big enough to go from my head to my waist, not my entire body. After I laid on it, the nurse asked me to lift my arms above my head--that was a challenge since my right arm still says "Ouch" when I lift it above my head. Then they took some type of vacuum and pulled all the air out of the bag and sealed it tight. When I got up, it kept the form of my body.
The incision in my arm pit to remove lymph nodes was 3-4 inches long, and a couple inches deep--long enough and deep enough to affect the muscles of my right arm and hit a bunch of nerves and too. Some people experience numbness. Some of my tissues do feel numb, but I also have a burning sensation from those nerves that affect the area under my arm from my shoulder to my elbow and down my right side; even some of my back gets the burning sensation when it is touched.
I have several exercises that are designed to restore range of motion to my right arm. I like to sing the song “May the glory of our Lord rise among us” while I practice raising my hands. Right now my right arm seems to have a built in volume control lever: The higher I lift my arm--the louder those nerves speak. In some ways would seem logical avoid the pain and just keep my arm down—but if I want to eventually have full use of my right arm I need to do the exercises. And my right hand is going to be positioned behind my head for radiation, which means I will have to raise that arm and hold it there several minutes in the near future. So I am trying to stretch those muscles every day. I can raise my arm pretty high and it is not nearly as painful as it used to be, but it sure does not feel normal yet. Pray that those nerves will heal.
Thanks to all of you for your prayers and support!
Love,
Fink
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Lessons for a Teacher
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Thursday, March 06, 2008 12:59 PM
Subject: Pure Joy Journey March 6, 2008
Lessons for a Teacher
I taught homeschool for 17 years, and at that time the three R’s were: Reading, Writing, and ‘Rithmetic. I hoped that once I got past chemo and surgery, my three R’s would be:
Rest, Recovery, and Reconstruction.
I did REST a lot the first two weeks after surgery. (The pain medication had a lot to do with my drowsiness.) My sister and other friends and relatives provided all the meals, did the housework and laundry. So I slept and ate, and slept and ate, and enjoyed my family and friends that came to visit. I especially enjoyed our grandchildren and Brayden. I haven’t tried to hold Brooklynn since I had surgery. As a two year old, she is big enough that her head could bump my chest while sitting in my lap, and I would hate to think what an elbow would feel like if she decided to jump down! I enjoyed watching her eat, play and drive our toy tractor. I did hold Josiah, the 8 month old, on the left side of my lap and I read a book him a few times before they went back to South Carolina. The love of family and friends is wonderful medicine!
One burst of joy came from Josiah. On a Sunday when all our family was together Janelle said, “Josiah has a late Valentine for all of you.” Then she turned Josiah around so we could read his shirt. It said, “I’m a Big Brother.” It took a moment for the message to sink it, but soon enough we learned that another baby is scheduled to join our family in September! Janelle and Joseph will have their hands full with two children under two, but they are delighted and we are too.
My RECOVERY has been taken longer than I expected. I was told that many women who have a mastectomy are able to return to work in three to six weeks. Being an optimist, I was hoping to get back to work at least part time in three weeks. But three weeks have come and gone and I still have one drain in place. And I have a cold! On Monday and on Tuesday of this week I had 32 cc of fluid. It has to measure less than 25 cc in a 24 hour period before the drain can be removed. Yesterday was better so maybe the last drain will get to come out this Friday. That would sure be nice. When I got the cold, the coughing not only increased my pain—it increased the fluid going to the drains.
But I am making progress. Dr. Atwood, my plastic surgeon removed one drain last Friday, Feb 29, and I saw also Dr. Beck, my oncologist. He recommended that I take Femara for five years. Femara is a rather expensive medication that inhibits estrogen (and causes hot flashes). It costs me a dollar for each tiny pill—which is smaller than saccharin--and the insurance company pays even more than I do!
RECONSTRUCTION has been moved to the back burner for now, and RADIATION is the ‘R’ that takes priority. Since I had 3 more lymph nodes with cancer, and my tumors spanned 4.9 cm before chemo, Dr. Cross scheduled me to go to NARTI to see a radiation oncologist. I met Dr. Ross yesterday, and I will be having 30 treatments of radiation.—5 a week for 6 weeks. I probably would have had the CT scan and gotten marked for radiation yesterday, (they actually mark the spot(s) with a Magic marker so a radiation therapist can aim at the right places), but since one drain and the stitches have not yet been removed, Dr. Ross scheduled that step for March 19. My radiation treatments should start March 24. Radiation should only take 20-30 minutes a day, including the time to wait and dress.
There are times when I have felt discouraged by the delays, the pain, and the need for additional treatments. Another person I know died from cancer recently: My brother-in-law’s Dad died February 29. Any time someone I love dies, I grieve for them. My heart is tender and I often feel grief for people I don’t know who were mentioned in the news. But since I am in the middle of my own battle with cancer, reports of deaths caused by cancer stir up the grief in a different way, and it is not comfortable.
Even so I have reasons to REJOICE this week: I have more energy and less pain. I have started driving the car again, so I am not so isolated. I am not coughing as much, and my hair is growing back! God knows the all about the challenges I will face with radiation, and I know He will be with me through that leg of the journey.
But the most important reason I REJOICE is because God is in control. He knows the number of my days. Hebrews 9:27 says: “It is appointed unto man once to die.” If I were the one in charge of scheduling my appointment with death, it would make sense for me to ponder the pros and cons of whether it will be sooner or later. But that is not my responsibility! The Scripture plainly tells me not to worry about tomorrow. None of us know whether we are going to live 50 more years or 5 more hours.
An athletic young man dropped dead after running a marathon in Little Rock last week. He was young. He seemed to be in excellent health. Paramedics were right there and immediately began giving him aid. But he could not be revived.
None of us know how many days we have left to serve the Lord, so it doesn’t hurt to stop and think: If this was my last day, would its memory be sweet? Have my words been kind? Or did they sound impatient? Did I make an effort to show the people that I do love them? Am I spending my time today in a way that honors the Lord?
Those questions remind me of questions I had when my father was approaching death. I had a conversation with God about my questions. Part of it became a song, and part is a conversation. I’ll share the lyrics here and later I’ll try to write music.
Sent: Thursday, March 06, 2008 12:59 PM
Subject: Pure Joy Journey March 6, 2008
Lessons for a Teacher
I taught homeschool for 17 years, and at that time the three R’s were: Reading, Writing, and ‘Rithmetic. I hoped that once I got past chemo and surgery, my three R’s would be:
Rest, Recovery, and Reconstruction.
I did REST a lot the first two weeks after surgery. (The pain medication had a lot to do with my drowsiness.) My sister and other friends and relatives provided all the meals, did the housework and laundry. So I slept and ate, and slept and ate, and enjoyed my family and friends that came to visit. I especially enjoyed our grandchildren and Brayden. I haven’t tried to hold Brooklynn since I had surgery. As a two year old, she is big enough that her head could bump my chest while sitting in my lap, and I would hate to think what an elbow would feel like if she decided to jump down! I enjoyed watching her eat, play and drive our toy tractor. I did hold Josiah, the 8 month old, on the left side of my lap and I read a book him a few times before they went back to South Carolina. The love of family and friends is wonderful medicine!
One burst of joy came from Josiah. On a Sunday when all our family was together Janelle said, “Josiah has a late Valentine for all of you.” Then she turned Josiah around so we could read his shirt. It said, “I’m a Big Brother.” It took a moment for the message to sink it, but soon enough we learned that another baby is scheduled to join our family in September! Janelle and Joseph will have their hands full with two children under two, but they are delighted and we are too.
My RECOVERY has been taken longer than I expected. I was told that many women who have a mastectomy are able to return to work in three to six weeks. Being an optimist, I was hoping to get back to work at least part time in three weeks. But three weeks have come and gone and I still have one drain in place. And I have a cold! On Monday and on Tuesday of this week I had 32 cc of fluid. It has to measure less than 25 cc in a 24 hour period before the drain can be removed. Yesterday was better so maybe the last drain will get to come out this Friday. That would sure be nice. When I got the cold, the coughing not only increased my pain—it increased the fluid going to the drains.
But I am making progress. Dr. Atwood, my plastic surgeon removed one drain last Friday, Feb 29, and I saw also Dr. Beck, my oncologist. He recommended that I take Femara for five years. Femara is a rather expensive medication that inhibits estrogen (and causes hot flashes). It costs me a dollar for each tiny pill—which is smaller than saccharin--and the insurance company pays even more than I do!
RECONSTRUCTION has been moved to the back burner for now, and RADIATION is the ‘R’ that takes priority. Since I had 3 more lymph nodes with cancer, and my tumors spanned 4.9 cm before chemo, Dr. Cross scheduled me to go to NARTI to see a radiation oncologist. I met Dr. Ross yesterday, and I will be having 30 treatments of radiation.—5 a week for 6 weeks. I probably would have had the CT scan and gotten marked for radiation yesterday, (they actually mark the spot(s) with a Magic marker so a radiation therapist can aim at the right places), but since one drain and the stitches have not yet been removed, Dr. Ross scheduled that step for March 19. My radiation treatments should start March 24. Radiation should only take 20-30 minutes a day, including the time to wait and dress.
There are times when I have felt discouraged by the delays, the pain, and the need for additional treatments. Another person I know died from cancer recently: My brother-in-law’s Dad died February 29. Any time someone I love dies, I grieve for them. My heart is tender and I often feel grief for people I don’t know who were mentioned in the news. But since I am in the middle of my own battle with cancer, reports of deaths caused by cancer stir up the grief in a different way, and it is not comfortable.
Even so I have reasons to REJOICE this week: I have more energy and less pain. I have started driving the car again, so I am not so isolated. I am not coughing as much, and my hair is growing back! God knows the all about the challenges I will face with radiation, and I know He will be with me through that leg of the journey.
But the most important reason I REJOICE is because God is in control. He knows the number of my days. Hebrews 9:27 says: “It is appointed unto man once to die.” If I were the one in charge of scheduling my appointment with death, it would make sense for me to ponder the pros and cons of whether it will be sooner or later. But that is not my responsibility! The Scripture plainly tells me not to worry about tomorrow. None of us know whether we are going to live 50 more years or 5 more hours.
An athletic young man dropped dead after running a marathon in Little Rock last week. He was young. He seemed to be in excellent health. Paramedics were right there and immediately began giving him aid. But he could not be revived.
None of us know how many days we have left to serve the Lord, so it doesn’t hurt to stop and think: If this was my last day, would its memory be sweet? Have my words been kind? Or did they sound impatient? Did I make an effort to show the people that I do love them? Am I spending my time today in a way that honors the Lord?
Those questions remind me of questions I had when my father was approaching death. I had a conversation with God about my questions. Part of it became a song, and part is a conversation. I’ll share the lyrics here and later I’ll try to write music.
“Questions”
From the summer of 2000
By: Fink Holloway
(The song begins at a slow tempo in a minor key
From the summer of 2000
By: Fink Holloway
(The song begins at a slow tempo in a minor key
with a very monotonous melody.)
Questions! Questions!
So many questions rushing through my mind.
Questions! Questions!
Difficult questions come at the difficult times:
Why did you let this happen God?
When will this problem ever end?
Will my loved one be all right?
Will he make it through the night?
What is the future going to bring?
Repeat, Repeat, Repeat……….
Questions! Questions!
So many questions rushing through my mind.
Questions! Questions!
Difficult questions come at the difficult times:
Why did you let this happen God?
When will this problem ever end?
Will my loved one be all right?
Will he make it through the night?
What is the future going to bring?
Repeat, Repeat, Repeat……….
I was awake a lot that night, and I probably ran through those questions a hundred times. There were many more questions that were not incorporated in the song linked to the line: “What is the future going to bring?” I also wondered: Are we going to be able to care for Daddy at home? Is he going to have to go to the hospital again? Will he have to go to a nursing home? What nursing home? How would we pay for it? How long is he going to linger? Why does he have to suffer? Will I be with him when he dies? I want to. When is he going die? Is my family going to be okay in Arkansas if I stay with Dad in Colorado for a long time? How long?.....
I had spent hours agonizing over these questions and had not found the answer to any of them when I heard God speak to me.
God: Fink! Fink, what are you doing?
Fink: I’m agonizing over these questions! Can’t you see? I have all these questions and I don’t know the answers. Would you help me? You know the answers to my questions. (I started the going through the list again when God interrupted me.)
God: Fink! Stop! You are on the wrong page.
Fink: Wrong page? What are you talking about?
God: Aren’t you a teacher?
Fink: Yes. You know I teach homeschool.
God: Would you expect a student to answer the questions on chapter 10 if you are studying chapter 1?
Fink: Of course not.
God: Neither do I and you are looking the wrong questions.
Fink: What do you mean: Wrong questions?
God: You’re not supposed to answer those questions tonight. You are on the wrong page.
Fink: Are you telling me I need to consider a different set of questions?
God: Yes!
Fink: Well, then what questions should I be asking?
In my mind I hear the music change from the minor key to major key and the melody God sings to me is simple and sweet:
God: How could you bring me glory? How could you bring me praise?
In my mind I interrupt his song and protest.
Fink: God! I don’t know how to bring you glory.
But God continued singing:
God: What could you do or say today to bring honor and glory my way?
Fink: Today? You want me to do something today that would bring you glory? I’m in the middle of a crisis! What could I possibly do that would honor you?
In this simple song God gave me a new list of questions to consider:
Verse 1
Who could you smile at?
Who could you touch?
Who could you share with?
Who could you hug?
Who could you touch?
Who could you share with?
Who could you hug?
As He sings I start thinking: Everybody is glad to see a smile. Lots of people long for a warm touch or hug. I could share a stick of gum, or a cookie. I began to brain storm while God continued the melody.
God:
How could you bring me glory?
How could you bring me praise?
What could you do or say today to bring honor and glory my way?
How could you bring me praise?
What could you do or say today to bring honor and glory my way?
Verse 2
Who could you listen to?
Who could you help?
Who could you pray for?
Who could you love?
Chorus:
How could you bring me glory?
How could you bring me praise?
What could you do or say today to bring honor and glory my way?
As I considered this new list I realized all of these questions had hundreds of right answers. All of a sudden, it felt like the test I was facing was easy. I realized that no matter what was going on with my circumstances, God would be honored that day if I would share my love and share His love in very simple ways. When I realized something as easy as giving a smile pleases the Lord, I started to sing too:
Fink:
I want to bring God glory.
I want to bring God praise.
What could I do or say today to bring honor and glory God’s way?
I want to bring God praise.
What could I do or say today to bring honor and glory God’s way?
Think about it: What simple thing could you do to bring God glory today?
Thanks again for your prayers, e-mails, cards and words of encouragement. They help!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
2008 Family Photos
2/11/2008 Granny Fink and Brooklynn Holloway (David & Brittney's daughter)
2/17/2008Fink & Jerry Holloway & Grandchildren
Fink is holding Josiah (Joseph & Janelle)
Jerry is holding Brooklynn (David & Brittney)
2/17/2008
Great Grandma Finkenbinder (Fink's mother) with
Brooklynn and Josiah
The above photos were shared on Fink's daughter-in-law's blog:
The Holloway Family
David, Brittney, and Brooklynn
http://davidbrittneyholloway.blogspot.com/
They were precious and I wanted to store them in the history of Fink's blog also.
Roxie Carlton
(friend, blog assistant)
Monday, February 25, 2008
Surgery Results
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Monday, February 25, 2008 5:53 PM
Subject: Pure Joy Update February 25, 2008
I am SO grateful for all the prayers, calls, cards, gifts, visitors, flowers, books and meals that have come my way since I had surgery. Your expressions of concern help more than you know.
I had the mastectomy and stage I of reconstruction on February 12th. Both surgeries went very well and I was able to go home February 13. My mother and my sister were here from Colorado and their help was a tremendous blessing. They stayed 10 days, and their emotional and physical support was huge.
My pathology report contained great news and good news. The great news was that the surgery did remove all the cancer that was left in my breast after chemo and there were clear margins. The good news is that 13 of 16 lymph nodes did not have cancer. It would be BAD news if MOST of the lymph nodes had cancer. Only three lymph nodes showed any sign of cancer. It would have been great news if none of the lymph nodes contained cancer. Three positive nodes reveal that the cancer had spread outside the breast. I don’t know what the doctor will recommend. It is likely that radiation or tomoxifen will also be added to my care plan. I don’t see either of my surgeons until the drain tubes are ready to be removed, and that may take a few days.
I still have two drains. Blake drains connect to a soft plastic collection bulb. I empty and measure the fluid they collect three times a day. The drains are designed to reduce swelling and discomfort. The first day Drain 1 collected 120 cc of fluid and Drain 2 had 110. Yesterday my totals were 23 & 54. So it won’t be too long until they can both be removed. In one way I am anxious to get the drains out. I cannot take a shower until they are removed. But even with the drains, I’ve suffered quite a bit from the build up of fluids that did not find its way to the drain easily. I sure don’t want to remove the drains too soon.
As I close I want to say thanks again for your support. Even though this cancer journey may just about be over—it may be that recovery and reconstruction are all that remain--I have days when it is very frustrating. My life is still interrupted. This spring I am missing weddings—one in Colorado and one in Illinois. And I am missing a funeral (Aunt Ethel died yesterday, February 24 and her funeral will be in Denver this Friday). I am not supposed to lift over two pounds, so a suitcase is out of the question! And even when I get the strength to go, I cannot go. I do not have any vacation time at my job. I have missed so many days at work. Life moves on whether I am there or not.
One day, when I wept because I felt cheated out of an opportunity; frustrated by the losses that this cancer continues to cause, I received a funny card. On the outside it said: “Jesus loves you, this I know. I ask the Lord to heal your toe, your head, your kidneys and your spleen, and all the places in between.” Inside it said: “Get well soon, or I’ll make up another silly song.” Even though the incident that prompted the tears was very fresh, I had to laugh out loud. Your e-mails, cards, and calls really do help. Thanks!
I appreciate each one of you!
Fink
Sent: Monday, February 25, 2008 5:53 PM
Subject: Pure Joy Update February 25, 2008
I am SO grateful for all the prayers, calls, cards, gifts, visitors, flowers, books and meals that have come my way since I had surgery. Your expressions of concern help more than you know.
I had the mastectomy and stage I of reconstruction on February 12th. Both surgeries went very well and I was able to go home February 13. My mother and my sister were here from Colorado and their help was a tremendous blessing. They stayed 10 days, and their emotional and physical support was huge.
My pathology report contained great news and good news. The great news was that the surgery did remove all the cancer that was left in my breast after chemo and there were clear margins. The good news is that 13 of 16 lymph nodes did not have cancer. It would be BAD news if MOST of the lymph nodes had cancer. Only three lymph nodes showed any sign of cancer. It would have been great news if none of the lymph nodes contained cancer. Three positive nodes reveal that the cancer had spread outside the breast. I don’t know what the doctor will recommend. It is likely that radiation or tomoxifen will also be added to my care plan. I don’t see either of my surgeons until the drain tubes are ready to be removed, and that may take a few days.
I still have two drains. Blake drains connect to a soft plastic collection bulb. I empty and measure the fluid they collect three times a day. The drains are designed to reduce swelling and discomfort. The first day Drain 1 collected 120 cc of fluid and Drain 2 had 110. Yesterday my totals were 23 & 54. So it won’t be too long until they can both be removed. In one way I am anxious to get the drains out. I cannot take a shower until they are removed. But even with the drains, I’ve suffered quite a bit from the build up of fluids that did not find its way to the drain easily. I sure don’t want to remove the drains too soon.
As I close I want to say thanks again for your support. Even though this cancer journey may just about be over—it may be that recovery and reconstruction are all that remain--I have days when it is very frustrating. My life is still interrupted. This spring I am missing weddings—one in Colorado and one in Illinois. And I am missing a funeral (Aunt Ethel died yesterday, February 24 and her funeral will be in Denver this Friday). I am not supposed to lift over two pounds, so a suitcase is out of the question! And even when I get the strength to go, I cannot go. I do not have any vacation time at my job. I have missed so many days at work. Life moves on whether I am there or not.
One day, when I wept because I felt cheated out of an opportunity; frustrated by the losses that this cancer continues to cause, I received a funny card. On the outside it said: “Jesus loves you, this I know. I ask the Lord to heal your toe, your head, your kidneys and your spleen, and all the places in between.” Inside it said: “Get well soon, or I’ll make up another silly song.” Even though the incident that prompted the tears was very fresh, I had to laugh out loud. Your e-mails, cards, and calls really do help. Thanks!
I appreciate each one of you!
Fink
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Post surgery update
From: Lisa Ware
Date: 02/20/2008
Spoke with her (Fink) this morning ... it's been 8 days since surgery. She is waiting for the pathology report, to determine if further treatment will be prescribed. She is in pain from the edema, so is taking meds for moderate-severe pain. Fink is waiting for the fluid accumulation to subside, so that drainage tubes can be removed. The doctor has recommended that she be as "quiet" as possible, to encourage healing.
Fink's mom and sister will leave this Saturday. Please pray for her continued healing, and that provision will be made for her and Jerry, as she won't be well enough to cook, clean, etc. She'll be alone during the days, until she's well enough to return to work.
What a precious woman of God she is! It warms my heart just to hear her voice. She is trusting God, but needs continued encouragement to be strong and courageous.
I know she'd love to receive a card, since she can read them at her convenience.
Fink Holloway
22692 Hwy. 295
Wesley, AR 72773
Blessings---
Lisa Ware
Date: 02/20/2008
Spoke with her (Fink) this morning ... it's been 8 days since surgery. She is waiting for the pathology report, to determine if further treatment will be prescribed. She is in pain from the edema, so is taking meds for moderate-severe pain. Fink is waiting for the fluid accumulation to subside, so that drainage tubes can be removed. The doctor has recommended that she be as "quiet" as possible, to encourage healing.
Fink's mom and sister will leave this Saturday. Please pray for her continued healing, and that provision will be made for her and Jerry, as she won't be well enough to cook, clean, etc. She'll be alone during the days, until she's well enough to return to work.
What a precious woman of God she is! It warms my heart just to hear her voice. She is trusting God, but needs continued encouragement to be strong and courageous.
I know she'd love to receive a card, since she can read them at her convenience.
Fink Holloway
22692 Hwy. 295
Wesley, AR 72773
Blessings---
Lisa Ware
Friday, February 8, 2008
Mental & Emotional Battles
----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Friday, February 08, 2008 10:02 AM
Subject: Pure Joy Update 2-8-08
In my last update I mentioned the mental and emotional battles that I had been facing. In the Bible we are told that David encouraged himself, and he calmed himself. Here are the verses that tell what David did:
I Samuel 30: 6 (KJV)
And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.
Psalm 131:2 (KJV)
Surely I have behaved and quieted myself, as a child that is weaned of his mother: my soul [is] even as a weaned child.
To “quiet myself” I meditate on scriptures and sing hymns and songs. These are the ones that were especially meaningful to me recently.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Obviously, the promise “God has not given me a spirit of fear” is comforting. But the last words: “He has given me a sound mind” is also important. Dozens of books and articles that I have read mention the phrase “chemo brain.” Last week I made several absent minded mistakes. I won’t bore you with details, but enough happened that I began to pray and asked others to pray that the Lord would help me to concentrate and do my work well. This week has been better.
Two other songs that especially ministered to me were “I Know Who Holds Tomorrow” and “I Know Whom I Have Believed” If you know the melody, I encourage you to take a few moments and sing them with me.
"I Know Who Holds Tomorrow"
By Ira Stanfill
I don't know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o’er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I’ll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.
Chorus:
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
Every step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb;
Every burden s getting lighter,
Every cloud is silver-lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eye;
At the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains touch the sky.
Chorus:
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
I don't know about tomorrow;
It may bring me poverty.
But the one who feeds the sparrow,
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that is my portion
May be through the flame or flood;
But His presence goes before me
And I m covered with His blood.
Chorus:
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
"I Know Whom I have Believed"
By Daniel Whittle
I know not why God's wondrous grace
to me he hath made known,
nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
redeemed me for his own.
Refrain:
But I know whom I have believed,
and am persuaded that he is able
to keep that which I've committed
unto him against that day.
2. I know not how this saving faith
to me he did impart,
nor how believing in his word
wrought peace within my heart.
(Refrain)
3. I know not how the Spirit moves,
convincing us of sin,
revealing Jesus through the word,
creating faith in him.
(Refrain)
4. I know not when my Lord may come,
at night or noonday fair,
nor if I walk the vale with him,
or meet him in the air.
(Refrain)
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Friday, February 08, 2008 10:02 AM
Subject: Pure Joy Update 2-8-08
In my last update I mentioned the mental and emotional battles that I had been facing. In the Bible we are told that David encouraged himself, and he calmed himself. Here are the verses that tell what David did:
I Samuel 30: 6 (KJV)
And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.
Psalm 131:2 (KJV)
Surely I have behaved and quieted myself, as a child that is weaned of his mother: my soul [is] even as a weaned child.
To “quiet myself” I meditate on scriptures and sing hymns and songs. These are the ones that were especially meaningful to me recently.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Obviously, the promise “God has not given me a spirit of fear” is comforting. But the last words: “He has given me a sound mind” is also important. Dozens of books and articles that I have read mention the phrase “chemo brain.” Last week I made several absent minded mistakes. I won’t bore you with details, but enough happened that I began to pray and asked others to pray that the Lord would help me to concentrate and do my work well. This week has been better.
Two other songs that especially ministered to me were “I Know Who Holds Tomorrow” and “I Know Whom I Have Believed” If you know the melody, I encourage you to take a few moments and sing them with me.
"I Know Who Holds Tomorrow"
By Ira Stanfill
I don't know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o’er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I’ll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.
Chorus:
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
Every step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb;
Every burden s getting lighter,
Every cloud is silver-lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eye;
At the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains touch the sky.
Chorus:
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
I don't know about tomorrow;
It may bring me poverty.
But the one who feeds the sparrow,
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that is my portion
May be through the flame or flood;
But His presence goes before me
And I m covered with His blood.
Chorus:
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
"I Know Whom I have Believed"
By Daniel Whittle
I know not why God's wondrous grace
to me he hath made known,
nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
redeemed me for his own.
Refrain:
But I know whom I have believed,
and am persuaded that he is able
to keep that which I've committed
unto him against that day.
2. I know not how this saving faith
to me he did impart,
nor how believing in his word
wrought peace within my heart.
(Refrain)
3. I know not how the Spirit moves,
convincing us of sin,
revealing Jesus through the word,
creating faith in him.
(Refrain)
4. I know not when my Lord may come,
at night or noonday fair,
nor if I walk the vale with him,
or meet him in the air.
(Refrain)
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Pre-surgery decisions and schedule
----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Wednesday, February 06, 2008 9:30 AM
Subject: Pure Joy Update 2-6-08
Dear Friends,
I appreciate your prayers so very much!
It has nearly been six weeks since my last chemo, and I am getting stronger. The lab showed that my white blood cell counts and red blood cell counts are within the normal range. (They have not reached the level that they were prior to chemo, but it is good enough to go forward wtih surgery.) The thrush took forever to go away this last time, and so I am continuing to take fluconazole until my surgery. We don't want to give it a chance to come back.
I have an appointment today (February 6, 2008) with Dr. Cross, the surgeon who will be doing the mastectomy.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with Linda Treitler who is a massage therapist at Highland Oncology Group to learn some exersizes and techniques to prevent lymphydema (a complication that often follows a mastectomy).
Monday, February 11, I meet with Dr. Atwood who is the plastic surgeor who will be doing the reconstruction.
Tuesday, February 12th, I go to Washington Regional Hospital at 9:30 and expect to have the surgeries at 12:30. Dr. Cross will be doing the skin sparing mastectomy, and then Dr. Atwood will follow with the stage ! of reconctruction, which for me will be a tissue expander.
While comtemplating all the visits and the surgeries I have felt like weeping at times this week. I have enjoyed feeling better and the thought of more pain and bedrest and isolation does not feel welcome. This week I have struggled again feeling unsure of the best choice for me for the decisions that I have to make.
Since I've had breast cancer there have been some decisions that were relatively easy because the doctor recommended one option very strongly. For instance: chemo or no chemo. The doctor strongly recommended chemo--I had one lymph node involved. So choosing to undergo chemotherapy seemed right. Mastectomy or lumpectomy. The surgeon said: "The breast has got to go." With three tumors that also seemed like a no-brainer.
But when I got to questions like:
Bilateral mastectomy or single mastectomy?
Reconstruction or no reconstruction?
What type of reconstruction?
The physicians did not give a clear mandate. They say things like: "It is a personal decision. It is up to you. Do what is right for you."
How can I KNOW what is right for me? If I knew I would get cancer in the second breast then it would be an easy decision. But there is not that great of a risk of cancer coming to the second breast. Literature says the chance of a person with breast cancer getting another breast cancer is 10% in 10 years. Those odds are not real high, but I sure don't want to get another breast cancer.
I know I would like to have a body that looks normal, but it is really hard for someone like me who is anxious to get back to feeling better as fast as possible to choose an option that increases the season of surgeries, doctor visits, and possible complications. I have gone back and forth on the question of reconstruction dozens of times.
So there have been some tough mental battles this week. When I don't know what to do, I cry. When one of my friends told me that she had slept well, I told her I had wept well. (I don't know how or why crying helps. I guess it relieves the tension even if it does not make things immediately clear.)
If you remember what you read at the top of this update, you know I have decided to stick with the plan that was established a few weeks ago: Only remove one breast, and start reconstruction immediately.
Thanks for keeping me in your prayers. Breast cancer is more than a physical battle. It brings mental and emotional challenges that are really hard too.
I'll send the lyrics of a couple songs that have been espcially meaningful in another update. I've got to hurry up or I will be late for my appointment this morning!
Love,
Fink
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Wednesday, February 06, 2008 9:30 AM
Subject: Pure Joy Update 2-6-08
Dear Friends,
I appreciate your prayers so very much!
It has nearly been six weeks since my last chemo, and I am getting stronger. The lab showed that my white blood cell counts and red blood cell counts are within the normal range. (They have not reached the level that they were prior to chemo, but it is good enough to go forward wtih surgery.) The thrush took forever to go away this last time, and so I am continuing to take fluconazole until my surgery. We don't want to give it a chance to come back.
I have an appointment today (February 6, 2008) with Dr. Cross, the surgeon who will be doing the mastectomy.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with Linda Treitler who is a massage therapist at Highland Oncology Group to learn some exersizes and techniques to prevent lymphydema (a complication that often follows a mastectomy).
Monday, February 11, I meet with Dr. Atwood who is the plastic surgeor who will be doing the reconstruction.
Tuesday, February 12th, I go to Washington Regional Hospital at 9:30 and expect to have the surgeries at 12:30. Dr. Cross will be doing the skin sparing mastectomy, and then Dr. Atwood will follow with the stage ! of reconctruction, which for me will be a tissue expander.
While comtemplating all the visits and the surgeries I have felt like weeping at times this week. I have enjoyed feeling better and the thought of more pain and bedrest and isolation does not feel welcome. This week I have struggled again feeling unsure of the best choice for me for the decisions that I have to make.
Since I've had breast cancer there have been some decisions that were relatively easy because the doctor recommended one option very strongly. For instance: chemo or no chemo. The doctor strongly recommended chemo--I had one lymph node involved. So choosing to undergo chemotherapy seemed right. Mastectomy or lumpectomy. The surgeon said: "The breast has got to go." With three tumors that also seemed like a no-brainer.
But when I got to questions like:
Bilateral mastectomy or single mastectomy?
Reconstruction or no reconstruction?
What type of reconstruction?
The physicians did not give a clear mandate. They say things like: "It is a personal decision. It is up to you. Do what is right for you."
How can I KNOW what is right for me? If I knew I would get cancer in the second breast then it would be an easy decision. But there is not that great of a risk of cancer coming to the second breast. Literature says the chance of a person with breast cancer getting another breast cancer is 10% in 10 years. Those odds are not real high, but I sure don't want to get another breast cancer.
I know I would like to have a body that looks normal, but it is really hard for someone like me who is anxious to get back to feeling better as fast as possible to choose an option that increases the season of surgeries, doctor visits, and possible complications. I have gone back and forth on the question of reconstruction dozens of times.
So there have been some tough mental battles this week. When I don't know what to do, I cry. When one of my friends told me that she had slept well, I told her I had wept well. (I don't know how or why crying helps. I guess it relieves the tension even if it does not make things immediately clear.)
If you remember what you read at the top of this update, you know I have decided to stick with the plan that was established a few weeks ago: Only remove one breast, and start reconstruction immediately.
Thanks for keeping me in your prayers. Breast cancer is more than a physical battle. It brings mental and emotional challenges that are really hard too.
I'll send the lyrics of a couple songs that have been espcially meaningful in another update. I've got to hurry up or I will be late for my appointment this morning!
Love,
Fink
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