Radiate Joy

----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Monday, March 31, 2008 10:33 PM

For the first seven months of this cancer journey my key phrase was "Pure Joy". Now that I have started radiation I have an additional slogan: "Radiate Joy".

I started radiation therapy Thursday, March 27. The first session lasted more than 30 minutes, but the next treatment only took about 10 minutes. That is what is expected for the future. Even with a 10 minute routine, most of the time is spent getting set-up. I am "zapped" in five different places each day, so there are five different times the equipment is adjusted for me. When it is in just right place the radiation therapists leave the room so they don't get zapped too. There are cameras so they can see me and they could hear me if I called to them. I've never felt the need to call for them. I try to relax and lay completely still, which is a bit of a challenge since it is not very comfortable.

During the radiation treatment I can hear the machine making noises, but I don’t actually feel anything. I have never “felt” an X-Ray either. So in some ways radiation is similar an X-Ray. With both it takes more time to get you into the right position than for the procedure. One big difference is in the amount of time the patient is exposed. Before the mastectomy I had my lungs X-Rayed and that only took a second or two at the most. During each phase of radiation I can count to 15 or to 25 while the machine is doing its thing. And I am supposed to have treatments 5 days a week for 6 weeks. All that exposure is likely to cause side effects that I will feel. Fatigue is the most common. Several ladies I've talked to who have had radiation have told me that 4-5 weeks into the treatment their skin turned red, or started to blister.

I've only had two treatments, so right now I am not feeling tired; my skin is not red and I am grateful for that. I have started working 30 hours a week now, and it feels very good to be back.

I was scheduled to have radiation today (and every week-day) but when I arrived, I was told the computer that regulates the dose for each person was down. They called tonight and told me NOT to come in at my regular time in the morning because they are still having problems with the computer.

So I don't know when my next treatment will be. It could be as early as tomorrow afternoon. They said they would call.

One thing I am sure about: God knows what each day holds for me, and he knows how to hold me, and guide me through each one.

Some people look at verses like Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God; to them who are the called according to his purpose" and mistakenly think: "All things are supposed to work together to make me feel good right now." Wrong! Testing and trials are like radiation and chemo. In reality, the goal of radiation or chemo is not to make a person feel good. Initially, those treatments can cause a person to feel quite miserable. But doctors who care have prescribed them because they can see how it works together for my good.

During the times when God lets you go through circumstances that don't feel good, remember: He is working for your good.