Pre-surgery decisions and schedule

----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Wednesday, February 06, 2008 9:30 AM
Subject: Pure Joy Update 2-6-08

Dear Friends,

I appreciate your prayers so very much!

It has nearly been six weeks since my last chemo, and I am getting stronger. The lab showed that my white blood cell counts and red blood cell counts are within the normal range. (They have not reached the level that they were prior to chemo, but it is good enough to go forward wtih surgery.) The thrush took forever to go away this last time, and so I am continuing to take fluconazole until my surgery. We don't want to give it a chance to come back.

I have an appointment today (February 6, 2008) with Dr. Cross, the surgeon who will be doing the mastectomy.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Linda Treitler who is a massage therapist at Highland Oncology Group to learn some exersizes and techniques to prevent lymphydema (a complication that often follows a mastectomy).

Monday, February 11, I meet with Dr. Atwood who is the plastic surgeor who will be doing the reconstruction.

Tuesday, February 12th, I go to Washington Regional Hospital at 9:30 and expect to have the surgeries at 12:30. Dr. Cross will be doing the skin sparing mastectomy, and then Dr. Atwood will follow with the stage ! of reconctruction, which for me will be a tissue expander.

While comtemplating all the visits and the surgeries I have felt like weeping at times this week. I have enjoyed feeling better and the thought of more pain and bedrest and isolation does not feel welcome. This week I have struggled again feeling unsure of the best choice for me for the decisions that I have to make.

Since I've had breast cancer there have been some decisions that were relatively easy because the doctor recommended one option very strongly. For instance: chemo or no chemo. The doctor strongly recommended chemo--I had one lymph node involved. So choosing to undergo chemotherapy seemed right. Mastectomy or lumpectomy. The surgeon said: "The breast has got to go." With three tumors that also seemed like a no-brainer.

But when I got to questions like:
Bilateral mastectomy or single mastectomy?
Reconstruction or no reconstruction?
What type of reconstruction?

The physicians did not give a clear mandate. They say things like: "It is a personal decision. It is up to you. Do what is right for you."

How can I KNOW what is right for me? If I knew I would get cancer in the second breast then it would be an easy decision. But there is not that great of a risk of cancer coming to the second breast. Literature says the chance of a person with breast cancer getting another breast cancer is 10% in 10 years. Those odds are not real high, but I sure don't want to get another breast cancer.

I know I would like to have a body that looks normal, but it is really hard for someone like me who is anxious to get back to feeling better as fast as possible to choose an option that increases the season of surgeries, doctor visits, and possible complications. I have gone back and forth on the question of reconstruction dozens of times.

So there have been some tough mental battles this week. When I don't know what to do, I cry. When one of my friends told me that she had slept well, I told her I had wept well. (I don't know how or why crying helps. I guess it relieves the tension even if it does not make things immediately clear.)

If you remember what you read at the top of this update, you know I have decided to stick with the plan that was established a few weeks ago: Only remove one breast, and start reconstruction immediately.

Thanks for keeping me in your prayers. Breast cancer is more than a physical battle. It brings mental and emotional challenges that are really hard too.

I'll send the lyrics of a couple songs that have been espcially meaningful in another update. I've got to hurry up or I will be late for my appointment this morning!

Love,
Fink