Jerry & Fink Holloway Family Back Row: David, Joseph, Jerry
Front Row: Brittney, Sharon, Janelle, Brooklynn on Fink's lap
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Chemotherapy Journey
I know some of you have heard about my progress through the chemo journey already, but others who don't see me very often have not had a very recent update. So this will fill you in.
I had quite of few of the expected side effects from chemo. Nausea, etc. I lost most of my hair between the first and second rounds of chemo and that was much harder than I expected.
On the morning of October 4th, before my shower I wrote these scriptures in my journal: "Isaiah 60:1 Arise, shine; For your light has come: And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. For behold the darkness shall cover the earth and deep darkness the people; But the Lord will arise over you (Me) and His glory will be seen upon you (Me)...Then you (I) shall see and become radiant and your (My) heart shall swell with joy." While pondering those verses I wrote: "Lord during this time of balding and chemo, when my human eyes look a t a human body that is less desirable, help me to see as you see--not as a flowed form, but as a willing container (imperfect at its best) that is capable of holding the Light of God, and the glory of the Lord. I want to be radiant with the beauty of Jesus and have heart that swells with joy. I want to know pure joy in the midst of my trials."
But about one hour later after my shower I wrote this: "So much for the joy!!! Right now I am stunned, and somewhere near tears because I took a shower and lost a ton of hair again. This has been going on for several days now. But for some reason this morning it feels different. It's one thing to finish your shower and know my hair looks thinner today. But today, you can see past the remaining hairs to my scalp in so many places! I am not thoroughally bald, but the process of going bald is so significant that volcanoes of emotion are ready to erupt without warning.
"Help me to remember, Lord, that my real joy is NOT predicated on outer appearance. My joy is Jesus joy that swells from a heart that is totally at peace with God. My heart is clean and I need a supernatural dose of Jesus joy to carry me through the day."
And with that prayer I made it through the day without tears, but in the safety of my home I cried again that night. And cried again several other times.
A few days later I wrote about the balding experience again:
October 9, 2007
"Why does it hurt so much to be forced to change our appearance? People dye their hair, or cut it off or put on a wig to get a new and different look every day. Many people do it for fun or to get attention. So why does the bald head must wear a wig routine seem so painful for someone on chemo? 1) I think it is because it is an unwanted change. We were forced to change because of circumstances out of control. 2) It is unexpected. You can tell someone: "You will go bald" all day. But nothing can really prepare you for the sight of yourself with so much scalp shining through. 3) It feels like a robbery. I feel violated: Like something has been taken from me that I valued. .....I know it is a temporary problem. I know it know it has no eternal significance. But that is no consolation to my emotions."
Besides the hair loss, I had a couple secondary infections with fever after my first round of chemo. So I was given an injection of Neulasta (which is supposed to boost my white blood cell count and prevent infections) after my second treatment. The normal range for white blood cells is 3.4-9.8. Mine was 8.9 before I started chemo. But a week after the second chemo my white blood cell count is still quite low 1.1 even with the Neulasta, and I have developed another infection. This time it's not a cold or fever. My port is infected, so I am on my third round of antibiotics. So I invite you to pray about my port problems. I am sure as you read this you can tell I do need your prayers and support, and I appreciate them more than I could ever say.
I had quite of few of the expected side effects from chemo. Nausea, etc. I lost most of my hair between the first and second rounds of chemo and that was much harder than I expected.
On the morning of October 4th, before my shower I wrote these scriptures in my journal: "Isaiah 60:1 Arise, shine; For your light has come: And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. For behold the darkness shall cover the earth and deep darkness the people; But the Lord will arise over you (Me) and His glory will be seen upon you (Me)...Then you (I) shall see and become radiant and your (My) heart shall swell with joy." While pondering those verses I wrote: "Lord during this time of balding and chemo, when my human eyes look a t a human body that is less desirable, help me to see as you see--not as a flowed form, but as a willing container (imperfect at its best) that is capable of holding the Light of God, and the glory of the Lord. I want to be radiant with the beauty of Jesus and have heart that swells with joy. I want to know pure joy in the midst of my trials."
But about one hour later after my shower I wrote this: "So much for the joy!!! Right now I am stunned, and somewhere near tears because I took a shower and lost a ton of hair again. This has been going on for several days now. But for some reason this morning it feels different. It's one thing to finish your shower and know my hair looks thinner today. But today, you can see past the remaining hairs to my scalp in so many places! I am not thoroughally bald, but the process of going bald is so significant that volcanoes of emotion are ready to erupt without warning.
"Help me to remember, Lord, that my real joy is NOT predicated on outer appearance. My joy is Jesus joy that swells from a heart that is totally at peace with God. My heart is clean and I need a supernatural dose of Jesus joy to carry me through the day."
And with that prayer I made it through the day without tears, but in the safety of my home I cried again that night. And cried again several other times.
A few days later I wrote about the balding experience again:
October 9, 2007
"Why does it hurt so much to be forced to change our appearance? People dye their hair, or cut it off or put on a wig to get a new and different look every day. Many people do it for fun or to get attention. So why does the bald head must wear a wig routine seem so painful for someone on chemo? 1) I think it is because it is an unwanted change. We were forced to change because of circumstances out of control. 2) It is unexpected. You can tell someone: "You will go bald" all day. But nothing can really prepare you for the sight of yourself with so much scalp shining through. 3) It feels like a robbery. I feel violated: Like something has been taken from me that I valued. .....I know it is a temporary problem. I know it know it has no eternal significance. But that is no consolation to my emotions."
Besides the hair loss, I had a couple secondary infections with fever after my first round of chemo. So I was given an injection of Neulasta (which is supposed to boost my white blood cell count and prevent infections) after my second treatment. The normal range for white blood cells is 3.4-9.8. Mine was 8.9 before I started chemo. But a week after the second chemo my white blood cell count is still quite low 1.1 even with the Neulasta, and I have developed another infection. This time it's not a cold or fever. My port is infected, so I am on my third round of antibiotics. So I invite you to pray about my port problems. I am sure as you read this you can tell I do need your prayers and support, and I appreciate them more than I could ever say.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
2nd Chemo Treatment
I have my second round of chemo on Friday, October 5th. I have had several secondary infections since my first round and may have a transfusion of white blood cells after this one to help me fight infection.
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