Explanation of Blog Title

----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Monday, March 24, 2008

Some of you who have recently started getting my e-mail updates may not know why I call this a “Pure Joy Update”. On the day I had my mammogram I had had 5 cards in my pocket with verses I was trying to memorize from James chapter 1.

James 1:2 states: “Consider it pure joy when ever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”

I have focused on that verse and tried to cultivate joy along the way. During the times when I feel like crying, I do cry—but even that brings me joy. It is comforting to know that I don’t have to pretend to have joy. I am glad to know that Jesus was also “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). Since “Jesus wept” (John 11:35) I feel the freedom to weep too and pour out my heart to God when my emotions are high. And he has brought comfort and hope to me in so many ways.

Yesterday, when our Sunday school class was about to begin with the opening prayer, I leaned towards a young woman who probably did not know where I am with my treatment at this time. I reached over, took her hand and whispered, “I expect to start radiation this week.” She began to pray almost silently. The only voice I could hear clearly was that of our teacher leading the opening prayer. But when a tear dropped off her face and hit my hand, I was reminded that many people that I don’t see every day really do care. The concern that was evident blessed me in a big way.

I am continuing to get stronger. I was able to work half time last week. And my hair is getting longer. My hair style resembles a crew cut, but the texture of my hair is still quite soft (and it is quite thin too). I remember the hair on my boys’ heads felt stubby when they had a hair cut that short.

I had two doctors appointments last week:

On Monday ,March 17, I saw Dr. Atwood, my plastic surgeon and he added 50 cc of fluid to my tissue expander. My skin was already quite tight and I wondered if I really needed to add more fluid, but he said the tissues will shrink in response to the radiation, so he wanted to add some fluid now. We will not be able to move forward with reconstruction any more until several weeks after radiation is complete.

Wednesday I went to NARTI to meet with Dr. Ross--the radiation oncologist and to have my CT-Scan and be marked. I had assumed the purpose of the marks was to indicate where to aim the beams of radiation, but that is not the case. The marks are to make sure I lay in exactly the same position for every treatment. They also made a mold of my body before the scan and the mold was also marked. I had heard about the mold from a friend who has also gone through radiation, but I was quite surprised at how it was made and how quickly it was made.

I was asked to lie on a bag that contained small Styrofoam beads. It was big enough to go from my head to my waist, not my entire body. After I laid on it, the nurse asked me to lift my arms above my head--that was a challenge since my right arm still says "Ouch" when I lift it above my head. Then they took some type of vacuum and pulled all the air out of the bag and sealed it tight. When I got up, it kept the form of my body.

The incision in my arm pit to remove lymph nodes was 3-4 inches long, and a couple inches deep--long enough and deep enough to affect the muscles of my right arm and hit a bunch of nerves and too. Some people experience numbness. Some of my tissues do feel numb, but I also have a burning sensation from those nerves that affect the area under my arm from my shoulder to my elbow and down my right side; even some of my back gets the burning sensation when it is touched.

I have several exercises that are designed to restore range of motion to my right arm. I like to sing the song “May the glory of our Lord rise among us” while I practice raising my hands. Right now my right arm seems to have a built in volume control lever: The higher I lift my arm--the louder those nerves speak. In some ways would seem logical avoid the pain and just keep my arm down—but if I want to eventually have full use of my right arm I need to do the exercises. And my right hand is going to be positioned behind my head for radiation, which means I will have to raise that arm and hold it there several minutes in the near future. So I am trying to stretch those muscles every day. I can raise my arm pretty high and it is not nearly as painful as it used to be, but it sure does not feel normal yet. Pray that those nerves will heal.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and support!

Love,
Fink