Fink's Pure Joy Journal

Enjoying Good Health and Family

2009-08-04T21:25:00.004-05:00

It has been quite awhile since I added to my blog, which might cause my long distance friends to wonder if I was too weak to write. But the truth is: I have been too busy to write. I am so grateful--my health has continued to improve!

My doctor allowed me to switch from femara to tamoxifen. Both drugs are taken by mouth daily to prevent the recurrence of estrogen driven cancers. My bones and joints began to ache after taking femara for a year. It even hurt to shake hands at church. Now that I have been on tamoxifen for a few months, the pain has subsided. I still do not have as much strength or endurance as I had before cancer, but I can see a definite improvement, and I thank the Lord!

Here are some of the things that have kept me busy: When our son and his family came to visit from South Carolina, my mom and sister and brother and a couple neices came too! They wanted to meet our new grandchildren--Trail & Aliyah and see how much Broolynn and Josiah had grown. We spend as much time as we can enjoying our grandchildren.

AND Sharon and I have been busy this summer is discussing wedding plans! She is getting married to Kyle Blair on December 20, 2009. We have gone to Little Rock a couple times to help Kyle move and to fix up the home where they will be living while Kyle goes to medical school at UAMS. He has already moved to Little Rock, but Sharon is back in Oklahoma and she plans to complete her master’s degree in piano pedagogy December 18. This is going to be a busy semester!

I thank all of you for your prayers. Some of the friends who were in cancer treatment with me have died. Others have heard the news: “The cancer is back,” and they are on chemo again. Cancer tends to make a person consider life and death and all the days in between. Sometimes I feel a type of survivor’s guilt as I consider their struggles and pain. If health were like an apple, then I could cut mine in half and share it with those who desperately need strength. But even though I may want to--I don’t have the power to extend a person’s time on earth; that is God’s department. My first response to illness is to pray for healing, but the same Bible that teaches about God’s power to heal the human body, teaches that there is a time to die.

Sometimes death comes suddenly, without warning. A neighbor, Robert Brammal, died of a massive heart attack last week. Please pray for his family; his funeral was August 3, 2009.

But most of the analogies the Bible uses to describe death imply a gradual progression. It compares our life to a vapor that fades and to flowers or leaves that wither. You can see the change, and anticipate the day the blossom falls to the ground. The Psalmist did not say, “And when I am struck by the lightening bolt of death…” He spoke of a “WALK through the Valley of Death”.

So as I visit and pray for these dear ones, I wonder, what miracle is God going to provide? Is he going to restore them, and let them spend a few more months or years here on earth in a mortal body that has limited health at best? Or is he going bring them home and give them the immortal body that will never experience pain or death again? God is the one who knows the answer to that question.

For those who are plodding through the Valley of Death 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 is especially relavant: "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

I have a new appreciation for the song by Kathy Troccoli
‘My life is in your hands.”

2009-05-04T20:00:00.019-05:00

Pure Joy Update May 4, 2009

There is reason for joy in the Holloway household!

We have another grandson!

Trail David Holloway was born March 27, 2009. He weighed 8 pounds 10 ounces. David and Brittney and Brooklynn are not the only ones who are proud of the new addition. Trail is a delight to all of us.

This year is flying by—It is hard for me to believe that Trail is already one month old.

And it is hard to believe that four months have past since the last Pure Joy update. At that time I was preparing for my reconstruction surgery on December 30. That surgery went well and I am grateful to be done with that. I am so grateful for your prayers. And to tell the truth: I still need them.

Before I had cancer my body felt strong like a Cadillac. Most of the time I had a reserve of get up and go and a very comfortable ride. But the cancer detour forced that “car” off the interstate highway where I had enjoyed smooth sailing to a very bumpy road. Just about the time I recovered from one bump, another would hit. After the biopsy, I had a MRI, six chemo therapy treatments, and 30 radiation treatments, and four trips to the operating table for six surgeries in just 1 ½ years.

So I am delighted to report that I have not had any major bumps since that last surgery. I long to put the cancer detour behind me and start sailing down life’s interstate where the road is smooth. I’m moving at a pretty good clip. I'm enjoying my family-especially the grandchildren. I'm working full time, attending church, teaching children on Wednesday nights and helping with a Bible club Friday evenings.

But it takes a lot more effort to get where I’m going, and the ride is not as comfortable. Even though the road I’m traveling right now is pretty smooth, it seems that I've traded my high powered Cadillac for a sputtering Ford Escort.

Some of the lingering aches and pains are directly related to the surgeries—my right arm aches because lymphnodes were removed. I have not developed a bad case of lymphedema, but there have been times when I have noted some swelling. I have had two manual lymphatic drainage treatments recently, which did help.

There are other aches and pains that may or may not be related to the cancer or its treatments. Lots of people have arthritic pain without having cancer. But Femara (the anti-estrogen drug I am supposed to take for five years) is known to cause osteoporosis and achy joints. So I recently stopped taking Femara and started taking Tomoxifen in hopes that my body will tolerate it better. Time will tell.

Evidently, my resistance to infection is not as good as it used to be either. The last cold I had hung on over six weeks and required two rounds of antibiotics, and I have another bad cold again—which, as bad as I hate to admit it--may mean I am trying to do too much. I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow. So please pray for healing for this cold, and pray that I will have wisdom to know how to pace myself.

I grew up singing a chorus based on Isaiah 40:31 "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and now be weary, They shall walk and not faint." The last line of the chorus added this refrain: "Teach me Lord, Teach me Lord, to wait."

Two Surgeries Scheduled

2008-12-30T08:13:00.004-06:00

----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Subject: Two Surgeries scheduled for today, December 30th

Our son David is having surgery on his shoulder today and we would appreciate your prayer for a speedy recovery for him, and it looks like I will have the reconstruction surgery today too, December 30 at 1:00.

I have been to the doctor or a lab five times since the surgery was delayed on December 10. If my day goes as planned, I'll have my surgery at 1:00 and be home to sleep in my own bed--or maybe on the recliner tonight.

One of the verses I read this morning was Jeremiah 10:23, "The way of a man is not in himself; it is not in man (even a strong man or in man at his best) to direct his (own) steps."

We buy planners and calendars this time of the year and we try to plan what each day will hold, but the truth is we really do not know what the day will bring. I'm okay with that, because I trust the One who knows it all. A few days ago I was talking to a man who is currently undergoing treatment for pancreatic cancer. He and his wife said they were trying to have faith. (I presumed that they meant trying to believe that he will be healed.)

I told them that when I was in the middle of my treatments I often sang a song based on a statement of Paul, "For me to live is Christ. To die is gain." The song says: "If I live, well, praise the Lord! If I die, well, Praise the Lord! If I live or die my only cry will be--Jesus in me. Praise the Lord!" I felt peace trusting God to work out the details of my life. I know the Bible has a lot to say about the miracle of healing--and the very fact that I am up and working full time and able to write this day is a testimony of incredible healing that has occurred in my body.

But the Bible also has a lot to say about death. Believers are supposed to die too. Most word pictures that the Bible uses to describe death point to a gradual change of the body. Flowers fade, grass withers, vapor vanishes. The Bible does not use a lightening bolt to describe death--although some people do die in an instant. We can see changes in the flower before it drops to the ground. And you can see the changes in the body of most people who approach death. The Bible tells us to expect that. So if my time to die comes in a predictable way that is not going to rock my faith at all. The focus of my faith has nothing to do with my body. I have faith in God. I believe God's Word is true. When I feel great--God's Word is true. When I draw my last breath--God's Word will be just as true then, and I look forward to the day when I see Jesus face to face. But while I'm here, I can trust him to work out all the details of my life. Delays, detours, celebrations, crisis--God is with me in everything.

I can say I certainly enjoyed the benefits of the delay--I picked up my grandchildren and walked and bounced them and carried them to my heart's delight with no lifting restrictions.

Thank you for all your prayers. I think David has a more difficult surgery than I do so remember him especially.

Love,
Fink

Surgery Delayed

2008-12-10T17:48:00.001-06:00

----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Subject: Surgery Delayed

“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” Proverbs 27:1

I thought of that verse this morning as I listened to the news while we were in the waiting room of the surgery center. A military plane crashed and four people were killed who were in their own home minding their own business.

I commented to Jerry—“You never know what a day is going to bring.”

Well, before my day was done it had an unexpected twist too.

I expected to have my surgery today at 7:30, and was well on the way to the operating table. I had not had anything to eat or drink since mid-night—not even a glass of water. We arrived at the surgery center before 6:00 a.m. I put on my hospital gown and hat, had the EKG, the IV had been inserted, I signed the papers, talked to the anesthesiologist, etc. I expected to be wheeled into to operating room in about 15 minutes when I was told one of the labs from my blood came back with number that could indicate a risk. So nurse took some more blood and sent it to the hospital to run the test again, and got the same results. So I was sent home and the test will be repeated on Friday morning.

I am not sure why I had this delay, but I do know the good Lord knows what he is doing and I can rest in that.

Thank you for your prayers. They are always needed.

Reconstruction surgery scheduled 12/10/2008

2008-12-08T23:30:00.001-06:00

----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Monday, December 08, 2008
Subject: Please pray about the next surgery

This morning I had an appointment at North Hills Surgery Center for pre-op work, and another appointment with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Atwood. The surgery for the next part of the reconstruction will be this Wednesday, December 10th at 7:30 a.m.

This operation will "remove the tissue expander in my right breast, create a breast pocked and place a permanent reconstructive breast prosthesis." I also plan to have the port that was used for chemotherapy removed from the left side. The port has been there since September 12, 2007, and I'm very grateful that my doctors do not feel that it is needed any longer.

This will be a one day surgery, and if all goes well, I expect to be back at work Monday, December 15. Please pray that I will not have any infections or complications.

I am so grateful for all of you who have been praying for my health all along. It is working. Several co-workers and relatives, including my husband, have been quite sick with colds, bronchitis, etc. I have not been sick, and it looks very much like the surgery will go forward as scheduled. I thank the Lord for that. The tissue expander is quite uncomfortable and I've heard the real implant will be better. I sure hope it is.

Initially, there will be discomfort--of course. I am supposed to sleep on my back for several days, and for two weeks wear a bra at all times--even in bed. The tissue expander has been a pain and eventually I expect to be able to sleep better when it is removed. Sometimes the pain radiates down my right arm and I hope that will get better too. You can also pray that I won't have a capsular contracture--that would make the implant hard and uncomfortable (like the tissue expander). Since I had radiation, I am at risk for that complication and for lymphedema. A few days after surgery Dr. Atwood plans to show me some things I can do to help prevent contractures, but when it comes right down to it, I know the good Lord will need to provide the healing touch. Doctors can cut and sew, and do marvelous things, but ultimately I look to the Lord for my healing.

Thank you so very much for your prayers and your friendship.

Reconstruction Surgery Scheduled

2008-10-16T16:00:00.003-05:00

From: Fink Holloway

Some of you who have read all my updates will remember that I struggled over the decision of whether to have reconstruction or not. I was so tired of pain and doctors visits, I wondered: Why would anyone choose to have additional pain and surgeries?

Right now is a good time to remind myself of the reason:
Because the pain is temporary and the outcome is permanent.

Every time I go back to Dr. Atwood's office and get more saline fluid added to my tissue expander I am more uncomfortable. Lately, the right adjective is not "uncomfortable" . At this point I have some pretty serious pain for the first few days after having fluid added. Sleep is difficult. And just about the time the tissues have stretched enough that I can almost function normally, it is time to go back for another fill. Ouch!!!

This challenge has given me more empathy for people who live with pain, as well as more respect for my daughter and others who have oral surgery or wear braces. They know what it is to go into the office feeling okay and walk out hurting. Eventually, the braces come off and leave a beautiful smile, but the process of moving the teeth is quite painful.

Hopefully, I had my last fill October 15, and the surgery is scheduled for December 10. My skin is red and it is really tight. I'll be glad when the tissue expander is removed and I get the implant which is supposed to feel more natural.

There are many situations where there is "pain" before "gain". John 16:21 speaks of it this way:
"A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world."

Speaking of a child being born:
Jerry and I have a new granddaughter!! Joseph and Janelle have a new daughter: Aliyah Elisabeth Holloway was born September 18 in Seneca, South Carolina. We are going to see her at Thanksgiving.

David and Brittney are expecting a new baby in March!!

Thank you for your prayers.

No News is Good News

2008-07-01T23:35:00.004-05:00

----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2008

You’ve probably heard the saying: “No news is good news.” That has been true for me. I haven’t written lately because I have been very busy. It has been hard to find time to write because I have been on the go nearly all the time.

I have returned to work full time. From September to February, I only worked half time. There were many days I did not make it in at all due to chemo or the secondary infections it caused. I was out for six weeks following the mastectomy. When I finally began to recover from that surgery I had six weeks of radiation. I worked a maximum of 30 hours a week while on radiation. So I had not worked full-time since September 2007.

In the middle of June when I started working full-time, there was a ton of work waiting for me at the Schmieding Center for Senior Health and Education. We are expanding our outreach, so that makes more work. And I am not the only person who has been out. It is vacation time, and several others have been out of the office due to illness or personal crisis too. So my days at the office are very full. I don’t mind the longer days—it feels good to be back, and it feels good to attempt to cover for others. For nine months my co-workers helped carry my load. I am grateful to be strong enough to work full-time and grateful for opportunity to help others.

Our kids who live in South Carolina, Joseph & Janelle & Josiah Holloway, spent several days with us in June. We got to celebrate Josiah’s first birthday. And we also went with Janelle to “What’s Kickin’”--a business that does sonograms. We got to watch the new baby on a big screen, listen to its heart beat, and we learned that their next child will be a girl! She is due October 2nd.

David and Brittney purchased a new home in Farmington and sometimes we have been involved with helping them paint. Sometimes I just play with Brooklynn while they work, and that is fun for both of us.

I got a good report when I went for my follow up appointment one month after my last radiation treatment. Dr. Ross (the radiation oncologist) said I did not need to come back for a year. I have met with my plastic surgeon, and the next part of reconstruction will not be until late summer or perhaps in the fall. Radiation causes the muscle tissue to shrink and he wants to give my body time to heal before the next step.

I want to thank all of you who have been so faithful to pray for me. My hip still has some issues and the nerves in my arm that were cut to remove the lymph nodes can be a pain, but I really do feel blessed. I am beginning to feel strong again. I cannot do the same exercise routine that I used to do, but I can tell I am gaining strength each week. The physical therapist recommended that I not use walking for my exercise until the bursitis in my hip clears up so we purchased a recumbent bicycle, and I enjoy riding it.

While it is a huge blessing to feel physically strong, but the most important strength comes from the Lord--not from exercise. Physical strength comes and goes. Right after surgery I was not supposed to lift anything that weighed more than two pounds with either hand. But the strength that comes from the Lord is constant.

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength in whom I trust." Psalm 18:3

“Behold, God is my salvation,
I will trust and not be afraid;
For Yah, the Lord is my strength and song;
He also has become my salvation.
Therefore with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.”
Isaiah 12:2-3

"Ready to Go", Tribute to Bo Duncan

2008-05-14T15:48:00.000-05:00

Charles “Bo” Duncan died from a heart attack last night. He was a first cousin to Jerry and lived just down the road from us.

His death was totally unexpected and I wrote this tribute to him this morning. Please pray for his wife and family, and for the members of the church where he was the pastor in Huntsville, AR.

“Ready to Go”
A Tribute to Bo Duncan
By Fink Holloway May 14, 2008

I know a fine man, who is called Bo.
He lived beyond the status quo.
And none of us thought that Bo
Would be the next one to go.
His death stunned us like a blow
And shook us all from head to toe.
But there is one thing we all know
If anyone loved God—it was Bo.
He loved his wife and family so,
And he loved us too. It really did show.
And we can find comfort because we know
Bo was right with God and ready to go.
Now all of us that live below
Ought to take lessons from our friend Bo.
Let your love for God and for others show.
None of us know when it will be our turn to go.
So make peace with God and then you’ll know
If God calls me today, I’m ready to go.

Fink Holloway
Schmieding Center for Senior Health and Education
Administrative Assistant

Last Radiation Treatment on May 9th

2008-05-12T15:52:00.010-05:00

From: Fink Holloway Sent: Monday, May 12, 2008

This has been a week-end to celebrate!! Today is Mother’s Day! I thank God for a godly mother who continues to be an inspiration to me at age 91!

Here's my mom, Gladys Finkenbinder with Josiah, her great-grandson.

And I’m grateful the privilege of being a mother. I am a happy mother. Some who hear the words “Happy Mother’s Day” do not have much to celebrate. Proverbs 10:1 says “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother.” I feel joy because our children are a blessing to me and to others. They love the Lord and have all been a wonderful support during my treatments and surgeries, and I am extremely grateful.

Friday, May 9 was special for three reasons:

1. May 9th is Janelle Holloway’s birthday, and I am grateful for her and for Brittney Holloway. These wonderful daughter-in-laws are terrific mothers to our grandchildren. It does a granny’s heart good to see that her grandchildren have a mom that loves them immensely.

2. I had my last radiation treatment on May 9th!! So I am done with that step, and really I am feeling pretty good.

I am tempted to say “I am not just done, I am WELL DONE.” Radiation does tend to cause skin irritation like a bad sun burn. Some of my skin handled the treatments quite well and I am grateful for that. Near my arm pit the skin became very red and it is peeling. Along my shoulder and at the top of my back there is a place with an itch reminds me of the poison ivy itch. I did not expect the radiation to affect any skin on my back as well as my chest, and I have never had a sun burn that itches the way this does. I asked if it could be poison ivy, but they said it was from the radiation too. Fortunately, I am finished with the radiation treatments now and my skin will be getting better. It will take a couple weeks or more to heal so continue to pray for that. You can also pray that I will give myself adequate time to rest and recover. The fatigue that accompanies radiation has sent me to bed early a few times, and I took a nap today. I am prone to push onward, but I do realize that my body needs extra rest. So you can pray that I use wisdom as I plan my days.

3. Sharon’s graduation ceremonies began May 9th with the Honors Commencement Ceremony at the Student Union.

Then she walked with all the other graduates from University of Arkansas Saturday, May 10th at Bud Walton Arena.

Although Sharon actually finished her degree in Music with emphasis in Music Theory and Piano Performance last December, it was great to celebrate her accomplishments and with all the others. Pray that God will give her wisdom for the next step. The University of Arkansas and Oklahoma University have both encouraged her to attend their graduate school. Offers of money for an assistantship are being discussed.

I also wish you would pray for Joseph and Janelle who are on a missions trip in the Middle East. Joseph and Janelle will return May 20. Pray that God will lead them to the people who are hungry to know more about Jesus and for good health and their safety as they travel.

I thank all of you for your prayers and support.

Love,
Fink

Results of MRI, no bone cancer!

2008-04-25T10:19:00.002-05:00

----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Friday, April 25, 2008

I received some good news on Wednesday. Dr. Ross, my radiation oncologist, was able to give me a report of the MRI I had on Friday. The pain is NOT caused by bone cancer! Dr. Beck was the one who ordered the MRI and since he was out of town all week, I thought I would have to wait until my appointment next Tuesday to get the news.

When I realized that someone at NARTI could call and get the report for Dr. Ross, I was glad the wait would be over, but I also felt little scared. I was by myself the first time I got the news "It looks like cancer", and I was by myself that day too. I planned to have my husband with me when I went to see Dr. Beck just incase this report had the word "metastasized". Actually the report did have that word, but the words: NO EVIDENCE were in front of it. As it turned out it was a big relief to get the news early.

My verse for today is, "In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." I Thessalonians 5:16 If the report had shown that I had bone cancer, it still would be a day to give thanks to God. The condition of my body or my circumstances do not change the love of God or his greatness in any way. So whether we get the good news we want or not, God is still worthy of our praise. But I am quick to admit: it is much easier to give thanks with joy when you have just gotten good news.

Thanks for all your prayers. I only have 11 radiation treatments to go.

Fink

Sharon Holloway's Blog

2008-04-21T00:45:00.001-05:00

Sharon now has a blog.
You can visit her at:
http://unordinaryday.blogspot.com/

Completed 15 Radiation Treatments

2008-04-20T22:45:00.004-05:00

The last time I wrote, the computers at Northwest Arkansas Radiation Therapy Institute (NARTI) were down so everyone had their treatment delayed two days. We are back on schedule now: five days a week. I have completed 15 radiation treatments and I have 15 more to go. For the most part, I am doing very well. I have met several new friends because of my radiation treatments and I am grateful for that. I am able to work about 30 hours a week, and attend church. The skin in the treatment area has started turning red but it is not very painful at this time. I use a Vitamin E cream on it twice a day.

Many of you have heard me express concerns about some other pains I have that probably do not have anything to do with the cancer. My left hip started hurting last November, and now my right arm has a distinct ache too. This may be arthritis or bursitis or something like that. I had excellent health before my cancer diagnosis and could work or exercise and sleep without pain. Now I take something for pain three or four times a day and it is fairly common for me to wake up in the night aching.

I have spoken with my physicians about this several times and even had a hip x-ray last year. The x-ray did not pin point the problem. At that time Dr. Beck thought the pain was probably bursitis and mentioned that one treatment for that is a steroid shot. Since I had thrush I could not have steroids because that would make the thrush worse. Another common treatment for bursitis is anti-inflammatory medicines. I could not use those two weeks before or after my surgery because they tend to thin the blood.

A few weeks after surgery I started taking ibuprofen (an anti-imflammatory med) to see if that would make my hip better. I’ve gone through a whole bottle, but I still ache. So I decided to speak to Dr. Beck about that steroid shot on Friday, April 18. He decided to schedule an MRI on my hip so we will know for sure what we are treating and they were able to do it that day.

The position I was in for the MRI made my hip hurt really bad. Normally when I am hurting it helps to change positions. They don’t want you to move at all during the MRI and that was one of the longest hours of my life! I am not sure when I will know the results. When I left the MRI area, I was given an appointment card to see Dr. Beck on Tuesday the 29. He is out of town this week.

Whether the pain is caused by A, B, or C (Arthritis, Bursitis, or Cancer) or something else-- I appreciate your prayers. I’ll let you know when I find out.

One thing I am learning from this is the ability to empathize with people live with illnesses and chronic pain. Many people who are healthy try to sympathize with people who are suffering. I have prayed and offered words of comfort to others with cancer or illnesses all my life. But when I took the hand of a friend who was waiting at NARTI and prayed for her last week, it was different. I wear the hospital robe and face daily treatment too.

So if you are going through a hard time remember 2 Corinthians 1:4-7. That passage does not promise: “You won’t have any troubles.” It says God comforts us in our all troubles so we can pass it on.

2 Corinthians 1:4-7
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Did you notice the phrase: “Patient Endurance”? I did. Those words challenged me. To be honest, I would rather have instant gratification. But some seasons require patient endurance.

I am glad that patience is a Fruit of the Spirit. Or you could say “Patience is from the Holy Spirit”. It is not something I have to manufacture myself. I am not naturally a very patient person, but the Holy Spirit can produce patience.

If I will consider myself to be an actor in a play that is written by God, and if I allow the Holy Spirit be the producer/director; if I will read the script He provides, then my words are going to sound patient even though I am not naturally that way. If I will listen, I’ll hear God’s voice calling out to me “Cut!” when I start acting like the person who wants my way right now.

The more I take my lines and my personality from His script (the Bible), the more I am going to sound like him. I want my words and my attitude to honor the Lord. I want to “act” like the person he had in his mind when he wrote my part. Pray that I will let the director direct my life. And pray that I will let the producer produce his fruit and his character in me. Pray that I will patiently endure. God is patient. I want to be patient too.

Radiate Joy

2008-03-31T23:16:00.003-05:00

----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Monday, March 31, 2008 10:33 PM

For the first seven months of this cancer journey my key phrase was "Pure Joy". Now that I have started radiation I have an additional slogan: "Radiate Joy".

I started radiation therapy Thursday, March 27. The first session lasted more than 30 minutes, but the next treatment only took about 10 minutes. That is what is expected for the future. Even with a 10 minute routine, most of the time is spent getting set-up. I am "zapped" in five different places each day, so there are five different times the equipment is adjusted for me. When it is in just right place the radiation therapists leave the room so they don't get zapped too. There are cameras so they can see me and they could hear me if I called to them. I've never felt the need to call for them. I try to relax and lay completely still, which is a bit of a challenge since it is not very comfortable.

During the radiation treatment I can hear the machine making noises, but I don’t actually feel anything. I have never “felt” an X-Ray either. So in some ways radiation is similar an X-Ray. With both it takes more time to get you into the right position than for the procedure. One big difference is in the amount of time the patient is exposed. Before the mastectomy I had my lungs X-Rayed and that only took a second or two at the most. During each phase of radiation I can count to 15 or to 25 while the machine is doing its thing. And I am supposed to have treatments 5 days a week for 6 weeks. All that exposure is likely to cause side effects that I will feel. Fatigue is the most common. Several ladies I've talked to who have had radiation have told me that 4-5 weeks into the treatment their skin turned red, or started to blister.

I've only had two treatments, so right now I am not feeling tired; my skin is not red and I am grateful for that. I have started working 30 hours a week now, and it feels very good to be back.

I was scheduled to have radiation today (and every week-day) but when I arrived, I was told the computer that regulates the dose for each person was down. They called tonight and told me NOT to come in at my regular time in the morning because they are still having problems with the computer.

So I don't know when my next treatment will be. It could be as early as tomorrow afternoon. They said they would call.

One thing I am sure about: God knows what each day holds for me, and he knows how to hold me, and guide me through each one.

Some people look at verses like Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God; to them who are the called according to his purpose" and mistakenly think: "All things are supposed to work together to make me feel good right now." Wrong! Testing and trials are like radiation and chemo. In reality, the goal of radiation or chemo is not to make a person feel good. Initially, those treatments can cause a person to feel quite miserable. But doctors who care have prescribed them because they can see how it works together for my good.

During the times when God lets you go through circumstances that don't feel good, remember: He is working for your good.

Explanation of Blog Title

2008-03-24T10:12:00.004-05:00

----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Monday, March 24, 2008

Some of you who have recently started getting my e-mail updates may not know why I call this a “Pure Joy Update”. On the day I had my mammogram I had had 5 cards in my pocket with verses I was trying to memorize from James chapter 1.

James 1:2 states: “Consider it pure joy when ever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”

I have focused on that verse and tried to cultivate joy along the way. During the times when I feel like crying, I do cry—but even that brings me joy. It is comforting to know that I don’t have to pretend to have joy. I am glad to know that Jesus was also “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). Since “Jesus wept” (John 11:35) I feel the freedom to weep too and pour out my heart to God when my emotions are high. And he has brought comfort and hope to me in so many ways.

Yesterday, when our Sunday school class was about to begin with the opening prayer, I leaned towards a young woman who probably did not know where I am with my treatment at this time. I reached over, took her hand and whispered, “I expect to start radiation this week.” She began to pray almost silently. The only voice I could hear clearly was that of our teacher leading the opening prayer. But when a tear dropped off her face and hit my hand, I was reminded that many people that I don’t see every day really do care. The concern that was evident blessed me in a big way.

I am continuing to get stronger. I was able to work half time last week. And my hair is getting longer. My hair style resembles a crew cut, but the texture of my hair is still quite soft (and it is quite thin too). I remember the hair on my boys’ heads felt stubby when they had a hair cut that short.

I had two doctors appointments last week:

On Monday ,March 17, I saw Dr. Atwood, my plastic surgeon and he added 50 cc of fluid to my tissue expander. My skin was already quite tight and I wondered if I really needed to add more fluid, but he said the tissues will shrink in response to the radiation, so he wanted to add some fluid now. We will not be able to move forward with reconstruction any more until several weeks after radiation is complete.

Wednesday I went to NARTI to meet with Dr. Ross--the radiation oncologist and to have my CT-Scan and be marked. I had assumed the purpose of the marks was to indicate where to aim the beams of radiation, but that is not the case. The marks are to make sure I lay in exactly the same position for every treatment. They also made a mold of my body before the scan and the mold was also marked. I had heard about the mold from a friend who has also gone through radiation, but I was quite surprised at how it was made and how quickly it was made.

I was asked to lie on a bag that contained small Styrofoam beads. It was big enough to go from my head to my waist, not my entire body. After I laid on it, the nurse asked me to lift my arms above my head--that was a challenge since my right arm still says "Ouch" when I lift it above my head. Then they took some type of vacuum and pulled all the air out of the bag and sealed it tight. When I got up, it kept the form of my body.

The incision in my arm pit to remove lymph nodes was 3-4 inches long, and a couple inches deep--long enough and deep enough to affect the muscles of my right arm and hit a bunch of nerves and too. Some people experience numbness. Some of my tissues do feel numb, but I also have a burning sensation from those nerves that affect the area under my arm from my shoulder to my elbow and down my right side; even some of my back gets the burning sensation when it is touched.

I have several exercises that are designed to restore range of motion to my right arm. I like to sing the song “May the glory of our Lord rise among us” while I practice raising my hands. Right now my right arm seems to have a built in volume control lever: The higher I lift my arm--the louder those nerves speak. In some ways would seem logical avoid the pain and just keep my arm down—but if I want to eventually have full use of my right arm I need to do the exercises. And my right hand is going to be positioned behind my head for radiation, which means I will have to raise that arm and hold it there several minutes in the near future. So I am trying to stretch those muscles every day. I can raise my arm pretty high and it is not nearly as painful as it used to be, but it sure does not feel normal yet. Pray that those nerves will heal.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and support!

Love,
Fink

Lessons for a Teacher

2008-03-06T16:08:00.012-06:00

From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Thursday, March 06, 2008 12:59 PM
Subject: Pure Joy Journey March 6, 2008

Lessons for a Teacher

I taught homeschool for 17 years, and at that time the three R’s were: Reading, Writing, and ‘Rithmetic. I hoped that once I got past chemo and surgery, my three R’s would be:
Rest, Recovery, and Reconstruction.

I did REST a lot the first two weeks after surgery. (The pain medication had a lot to do with my drowsiness.) My sister and other friends and relatives provided all the meals, did the housework and laundry. So I slept and ate, and slept and ate, and enjoyed my family and friends that came to visit. I especially enjoyed our grandchildren and Brayden. I haven’t tried to hold Brooklynn since I had surgery. As a two year old, she is big enough that her head could bump my chest while sitting in my lap, and I would hate to think what an elbow would feel like if she decided to jump down! I enjoyed watching her eat, play and drive our toy tractor. I did hold Josiah, the 8 month old, on the left side of my lap and I read a book him a few times before they went back to South Carolina. The love of family and friends is wonderful medicine!

One burst of joy came from Josiah. On a Sunday when all our family was together Janelle said, “Josiah has a late Valentine for all of you.” Then she turned Josiah around so we could read his shirt. It said, “I’m a Big Brother.” It took a moment for the message to sink it, but soon enough we learned that another baby is scheduled to join our family in September! Janelle and Joseph will have their hands full with two children under two, but they are delighted and we are too.

My RECOVERY has been taken longer than I expected. I was told that many women who have a mastectomy are able to return to work in three to six weeks. Being an optimist, I was hoping to get back to work at least part time in three weeks. But three weeks have come and gone and I still have one drain in place. And I have a cold! On Monday and on Tuesday of this week I had 32 cc of fluid. It has to measure less than 25 cc in a 24 hour period before the drain can be removed. Yesterday was better so maybe the last drain will get to come out this Friday. That would sure be nice. When I got the cold, the coughing not only increased my pain—it increased the fluid going to the drains.

But I am making progress. Dr. Atwood, my plastic surgeon removed one drain last Friday, Feb 29, and I saw also Dr. Beck, my oncologist. He recommended that I take Femara for five years. Femara is a rather expensive medication that inhibits estrogen (and causes hot flashes). It costs me a dollar for each tiny pill—which is smaller than saccharin--and the insurance company pays even more than I do!

RECONSTRUCTION has been moved to the back burner for now, and RADIATION is the ‘R’ that takes priority. Since I had 3 more lymph nodes with cancer, and my tumors spanned 4.9 cm before chemo, Dr. Cross scheduled me to go to NARTI to see a radiation oncologist. I met Dr. Ross yesterday, and I will be having 30 treatments of radiation.—5 a week for 6 weeks. I probably would have had the CT scan and gotten marked for radiation yesterday, (they actually mark the spot(s) with a Magic marker so a radiation therapist can aim at the right places), but since one drain and the stitches have not yet been removed, Dr. Ross scheduled that step for March 19. My radiation treatments should start March 24. Radiation should only take 20-30 minutes a day, including the time to wait and dress.

There are times when I have felt discouraged by the delays, the pain, and the need for additional treatments. Another person I know died from cancer recently: My brother-in-law’s Dad died February 29. Any time someone I love dies, I grieve for them. My heart is tender and I often feel grief for people I don’t know who were mentioned in the news. But since I am in the middle of my own battle with cancer, reports of deaths caused by cancer stir up the grief in a different way, and it is not comfortable.

Even so I have reasons to REJOICE this week: I have more energy and less pain. I have started driving the car again, so I am not so isolated. I am not coughing as much, and my hair is growing back! God knows the all about the challenges I will face with radiation, and I know He will be with me through that leg of the journey.

But the most important reason I REJOICE is because God is in control. He knows the number of my days. Hebrews 9:27 says: “It is appointed unto man once to die.” If I were the one in charge of scheduling my appointment with death, it would make sense for me to ponder the pros and cons of whether it will be sooner or later. But that is not my responsibility! The Scripture plainly tells me not to worry about tomorrow. None of us know whether we are going to live 50 more years or 5 more hours.

An athletic young man dropped dead after running a marathon in Little Rock last week. He was young. He seemed to be in excellent health. Paramedics were right there and immediately began giving him aid. But he could not be revived.

None of us know how many days we have left to serve the Lord, so it doesn’t hurt to stop and think: If this was my last day, would its memory be sweet? Have my words been kind? Or did they sound impatient? Did I make an effort to show the people that I do love them? Am I spending my time today in a way that honors the Lord?

Those questions remind me of questions I had when my father was approaching death. I had a conversation with God about my questions. Part of it became a song, and part is a conversation. I’ll share the lyrics here and later I’ll try to write music.

“Questions”
From the summer of 2000
By: Fink Holloway

(The song begins at a slow tempo in a minor key

with a very monotonous melody.)

Questions! Questions!
So many questions rushing through my mind.
Questions! Questions!
Difficult questions come at the difficult times:

Why did you let this happen God?
When will this problem ever end?
Will my loved one be all right?
Will he make it through the night?
What is the future going to bring?

Repeat, Repeat, Repeat……….

I was awake a lot that night, and I probably ran through those questions a hundred times. There were many more questions that were not incorporated in the song linked to the line: “What is the future going to bring?” I also wondered: Are we going to be able to care for Daddy at home? Is he going to have to go to the hospital again? Will he have to go to a nursing home? What nursing home? How would we pay for it? How long is he going to linger? Why does he have to suffer? Will I be with him when he dies? I want to. When is he going die? Is my family going to be okay in Arkansas if I stay with Dad in Colorado for a long time? How long?.....

I had spent hours agonizing over these questions and had not found the answer to any of them when I heard God speak to me.

God: Fink! Fink, what are you doing?

Fink: I’m agonizing over these questions! Can’t you see? I have all these questions and I don’t know the answers. Would you help me? You know the answers to my questions. (I started the going through the list again when God interrupted me.)

God: Fink! Stop! You are on the wrong page.

Fink: Wrong page? What are you talking about?

God: Aren’t you a teacher?

Fink: Yes. You know I teach homeschool.

God: Would you expect a student to answer the questions on chapter 10 if you are studying chapter 1?

Fink: Of course not.

God: Neither do I and you are looking the wrong questions.

Fink: What do you mean: Wrong questions?

God: You’re not supposed to answer those questions tonight. You are on the wrong page.

Fink: Are you telling me I need to consider a different set of questions?

God: Yes!

Fink: Well, then what questions should I be asking?

In my mind I hear the music change from the minor key to major key and the melody God sings to me is simple and sweet:

God: How could you bring me glory? How could you bring me praise?

In my mind I interrupt his song and protest.

Fink: God! I don’t know how to bring you glory.

But God continued singing:

God: What could you do or say today to bring honor and glory my way?

Fink: Today? You want me to do something today that would bring you glory? I’m in the middle of a crisis! What could I possibly do that would honor you?

In this simple song God gave me a new list of questions to consider:

Verse 1

Who could you smile at?
Who could you touch?
Who could you share with?
Who could you hug?

As He sings I start thinking: Everybody is glad to see a smile. Lots of people long for a warm touch or hug. I could share a stick of gum, or a cookie. I began to brain storm while God continued the melody.

God:

How could you bring me glory?
How could you bring me praise?
What could you do or say today to bring honor and glory my way?

Verse 2
Who could you listen to?
Who could you help?
Who could you pray for?
Who could you love?

Chorus:
How could you bring me glory?
How could you bring me praise?
What could you do or say today to bring honor and glory my way?

As I considered this new list I realized all of these questions had hundreds of right answers. All of a sudden, it felt like the test I was facing was easy. I realized that no matter what was going on with my circumstances, God would be honored that day if I would share my love and share His love in very simple ways. When I realized something as easy as giving a smile pleases the Lord, I started to sing too:

Fink:

I want to bring God glory.
I want to bring God praise.
What could I do or say today to bring honor and glory God’s way?

Think about it: What simple thing could you do to bring God glory today?

Thanks again for your prayers, e-mails, cards and words of encouragement. They help!

2008 Family Photos

2008-02-27T11:57:00.011-06:00

2/11/2008

Granny Fink and Brooklynn Holloway (David & Brittney's daughter)

2/17/2008
Fink & Jerry Holloway & Grandchildren
Fink is holding Josiah (Joseph & Janelle)
Jerry is holding Brooklynn (David & Brittney)

2/17/2008
Great Grandma Finkenbinder (Fink's mother) with
Brooklynn and Josiah

The above photos were shared on Fink's daughter-in-law's blog:
The Holloway Family
David, Brittney, and Brooklynn
http://davidbrittneyholloway.blogspot.com/

They were precious and I wanted to store them in the history of Fink's blog also.

Roxie Carlton
(friend, blog assistant)

Surgery Results

2008-02-25T17:53:00.001-06:00

From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Monday, February 25, 2008 5:53 PM
Subject: Pure Joy Update February 25, 2008

I am SO grateful for all the prayers, calls, cards, gifts, visitors, flowers, books and meals that have come my way since I had surgery. Your expressions of concern help more than you know.

I had the mastectomy and stage I of reconstruction on February 12th. Both surgeries went very well and I was able to go home February 13. My mother and my sister were here from Colorado and their help was a tremendous blessing. They stayed 10 days, and their emotional and physical support was huge.

My pathology report contained great news and good news. The great news was that the surgery did remove all the cancer that was left in my breast after chemo and there were clear margins. The good news is that 13 of 16 lymph nodes did not have cancer. It would be BAD news if MOST of the lymph nodes had cancer. Only three lymph nodes showed any sign of cancer. It would have been great news if none of the lymph nodes contained cancer. Three positive nodes reveal that the cancer had spread outside the breast. I don’t know what the doctor will recommend. It is likely that radiation or tomoxifen will also be added to my care plan. I don’t see either of my surgeons until the drain tubes are ready to be removed, and that may take a few days.

I still have two drains. Blake drains connect to a soft plastic collection bulb. I empty and measure the fluid they collect three times a day. The drains are designed to reduce swelling and discomfort. The first day Drain 1 collected 120 cc of fluid and Drain 2 had 110. Yesterday my totals were 23 & 54. So it won’t be too long until they can both be removed. In one way I am anxious to get the drains out. I cannot take a shower until they are removed. But even with the drains, I’ve suffered quite a bit from the build up of fluids that did not find its way to the drain easily. I sure don’t want to remove the drains too soon.

As I close I want to say thanks again for your support. Even though this cancer journey may just about be over—it may be that recovery and reconstruction are all that remain--I have days when it is very frustrating. My life is still interrupted. This spring I am missing weddings—one in Colorado and one in Illinois. And I am missing a funeral (Aunt Ethel died yesterday, February 24 and her funeral will be in Denver this Friday). I am not supposed to lift over two pounds, so a suitcase is out of the question! And even when I get the strength to go, I cannot go. I do not have any vacation time at my job. I have missed so many days at work. Life moves on whether I am there or not.

One day, when I wept because I felt cheated out of an opportunity; frustrated by the losses that this cancer continues to cause, I received a funny card. On the outside it said: “Jesus loves you, this I know. I ask the Lord to heal your toe, your head, your kidneys and your spleen, and all the places in between.” Inside it said: “Get well soon, or I’ll make up another silly song.” Even though the incident that prompted the tears was very fresh, I had to laugh out loud. Your e-mails, cards, and calls really do help. Thanks!

I appreciate each one of you!

Fink

Post surgery update

2008-02-20T15:06:00.002-06:00

From: Lisa Ware
Date: 02/20/2008

Spoke with her (Fink) this morning ... it's been 8 days since surgery. She is waiting for the pathology report, to determine if further treatment will be prescribed. She is in pain from the edema, so is taking meds for moderate-severe pain. Fink is waiting for the fluid accumulation to subside, so that drainage tubes can be removed. The doctor has recommended that she be as "quiet" as possible, to encourage healing.

Fink's mom and sister will leave this Saturday. Please pray for her continued healing, and that provision will be made for her and Jerry, as she won't be well enough to cook, clean, etc. She'll be alone during the days, until she's well enough to return to work.

What a precious woman of God she is! It warms my heart just to hear her voice. She is trusting God, but needs continued encouragement to be strong and courageous.

I know she'd love to receive a card, since she can read them at her convenience.

Fink Holloway
22692 Hwy. 295
Wesley, AR 72773

Blessings---
Lisa Ware

Mental & Emotional Battles

2008-02-08T10:39:00.000-06:00

----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Friday, February 08, 2008 10:02 AM
Subject: Pure Joy Update 2-8-08

In my last update I mentioned the mental and emotional battles that I had been facing. In the Bible we are told that David encouraged himself, and he calmed himself. Here are the verses that tell what David did:

I Samuel 30: 6 (KJV)
And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.

Psalm 131:2 (KJV)
Surely I have behaved and quieted myself, as a child that is weaned of his mother: my soul [is] even as a weaned child.

To “quiet myself” I meditate on scriptures and sing hymns and songs. These are the ones that were especially meaningful to me recently.

2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Obviously, the promise “God has not given me a spirit of fear” is comforting. But the last words: “He has given me a sound mind” is also important. Dozens of books and articles that I have read mention the phrase “chemo brain.” Last week I made several absent minded mistakes. I won’t bore you with details, but enough happened that I began to pray and asked others to pray that the Lord would help me to concentrate and do my work well. This week has been better.

Two other songs that especially ministered to me were “I Know Who Holds Tomorrow” and “I Know Whom I Have Believed” If you know the melody, I encourage you to take a few moments and sing them with me.

"I Know Who Holds Tomorrow"
By Ira Stanfill

I don't know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o’er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I’ll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Chorus:
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

Every step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb;
Every burden s getting lighter,
Every cloud is silver-lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eye;
At the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains touch the sky.

Chorus:
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

I don't know about tomorrow;
It may bring me poverty.
But the one who feeds the sparrow,
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that is my portion
May be through the flame or flood;
But His presence goes before me
And I m covered with His blood.

Chorus:
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

"I Know Whom I have Believed"
By Daniel Whittle

I know not why God's wondrous grace
to me he hath made known,
nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
redeemed me for his own.
Refrain:
But I know whom I have believed,
and am persuaded that he is able
to keep that which I've committed
unto him against that day.

2. I know not how this saving faith
to me he did impart,
nor how believing in his word
wrought peace within my heart.
(Refrain)

3. I know not how the Spirit moves,
convincing us of sin,
revealing Jesus through the word,
creating faith in him.
(Refrain)

4. I know not when my Lord may come,
at night or noonday fair,
nor if I walk the vale with him,
or meet him in the air.
(Refrain)

Pre-surgery decisions and schedule

2008-02-06T12:09:00.000-06:00

----- Original Message -----
From: Fink Holloway
Sent: Wednesday, February 06, 2008 9:30 AM
Subject: Pure Joy Update 2-6-08

Dear Friends,

I appreciate your prayers so very much!

It has nearly been six weeks since my last chemo, and I am getting stronger. The lab showed that my white blood cell counts and red blood cell counts are within the normal range. (They have not reached the level that they were prior to chemo, but it is good enough to go forward wtih surgery.) The thrush took forever to go away this last time, and so I am continuing to take fluconazole until my surgery. We don't want to give it a chance to come back.

I have an appointment today (February 6, 2008) with Dr. Cross, the surgeon who will be doing the mastectomy.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Linda Treitler who is a massage therapist at Highland Oncology Group to learn some exersizes and techniques to prevent lymphydema (a complication that often follows a mastectomy).

Monday, February 11, I meet with Dr. Atwood who is the plastic surgeor who will be doing the reconstruction.

Tuesday, February 12th, I go to Washington Regional Hospital at 9:30 and expect to have the surgeries at 12:30. Dr. Cross will be doing the skin sparing mastectomy, and then Dr. Atwood will follow with the stage ! of reconctruction, which for me will be a tissue expander.

While comtemplating all the visits and the surgeries I have felt like weeping at times this week. I have enjoyed feeling better and the thought of more pain and bedrest and isolation does not feel welcome. This week I have struggled again feeling unsure of the best choice for me for the decisions that I have to make.

Since I've had breast cancer there have been some decisions that were relatively easy because the doctor recommended one option very strongly. For instance: chemo or no chemo. The doctor strongly recommended chemo--I had one lymph node involved. So choosing to undergo chemotherapy seemed right. Mastectomy or lumpectomy. The surgeon said: "The breast has got to go." With three tumors that also seemed like a no-brainer.

But when I got to questions like:
Bilateral mastectomy or single mastectomy?
Reconstruction or no reconstruction?
What type of reconstruction?

The physicians did not give a clear mandate. They say things like: "It is a personal decision. It is up to you. Do what is right for you."

How can I KNOW what is right for me? If I knew I would get cancer in the second breast then it would be an easy decision. But there is not that great of a risk of cancer coming to the second breast. Literature says the chance of a person with breast cancer getting another breast cancer is 10% in 10 years. Those odds are not real high, but I sure don't want to get another breast cancer.

I know I would like to have a body that looks normal, but it is really hard for someone like me who is anxious to get back to feeling better as fast as possible to choose an option that increases the season of surgeries, doctor visits, and possible complications. I have gone back and forth on the question of reconstruction dozens of times.

So there have been some tough mental battles this week. When I don't know what to do, I cry. When one of my friends told me that she had slept well, I told her I had wept well. (I don't know how or why crying helps. I guess it relieves the tension even if it does not make things immediately clear.)

If you remember what you read at the top of this update, you know I have decided to stick with the plan that was established a few weeks ago: Only remove one breast, and start reconstruction immediately.

Thanks for keeping me in your prayers. Breast cancer is more than a physical battle. It brings mental and emotional challenges that are really hard too.

I'll send the lyrics of a couple songs that have been espcially meaningful in another update. I've got to hurry up or I will be late for my appointment this morning!

Love,
Fink

Christmas Letter 2007

2007-12-22T21:29:00.000-06:00

The Jerry Holloway Family 2007

David, Brittney, Sharon, Janelle, Joseph
Fink & Jerry holding Brooklynn & Josiah

December 2007

Dear Family and Friends,

At Christmas I join dozens of other who send a letter with family update. Some years the news is rather ho, hum. No big changes to report. 2006 was different: My Mom had a heart attack; we were remodeling, selling a home, and moving. When you add the challenges from Sharon’s bicycle accident, 2006 felt like a hard year and I hoped that 2007 would be easier. It started out good.

In January, David and Brittney took the brooch David designed that won first place in Arkansas to a national competition in New York City. We were delighted when he took the top honors there as well. His piece has been featured in several jewelers’ magazines and on the local news and his business is off to a wonderful start.

In March my brother and sister and I met in Colorado to celebrate Mom’s 90th birthday. My mother has done very well in spite of the heart attack and other health problems. She is back in the swimming pool exercising, attending Bible studies, cutting quilt blocks at the senior center, and praying for all of us daily. What a blessing and encouragement she is! Besides enjoying cake and ice cream and presents with dear friends, Marilyn and Steve and I all took a turn publicly thanking Mom for the ways she has impacted our lives. We surprised her at one of the Interchurch Fellowship of the Blind meetings. (The ICFB is a Christian support group for the blind that my dad founded. So it was also a tribute to him as well). We sang together and that memory will be one we cherish forever. Mom also flew to Michigan in September to attend the National Church Conference of the Blind and to visit her relatives there, and in November she flew to Minneapolis to spend a week with my brother for Thanksgiving. We are inspired and motivated by her life and courage.

June brought wonderful news: Our grandson was born! Joseph and Janelle named their first child Josiah Ethan. We were privileged to spend some time with him and with his parents during his first week. Joe and Janelle still work as campus pastors at Clemson in South Carolina. Their efforts are touching hundreds of students and have spread beyond the Clemson campus. We are so grateful for their ministry.

December 1 Sharon completed her music degree from the U of A when she gave her Senior Recital at the piano. For any music major the Senior Recital is a big deal, but it was especially significant knowing that a year ago she could not play the piano at all with two broken arms. We are so grateful to God for her recovery and for her life. Over 120 relatives and friends came from eight states to attend her recital, and their presence delighted all of us.

With all those blessings you would think that reflecting on 2007 would bring nothing but joy.

But 2007 brought some challenges as well.

In April we were shocked when our granddaughter’s pediatrician suggested that she needed glasses. Brooklynn was just 18 months old at the time! We learned that she is very far sighted and both of her eyes are crossing.

Brooklynn has adjusted to wearing glasses wonderfully and she is as cute as ever. She started with regular glasses, and then switched to bifocals. Later the doctor remommended eye patches, ointments, and that did not correct the problem of her eyes crossing either.

She had surgery on both eyes December 13.

Please pray for her to have a full recovery.

Jerry’s dad began having health problems in October. He made two trips to the emergency room and one time he spent 12 consecutive days in the hospital. He is getting stronger, but he continues to need prayer.

On August 21 I was stunned when I heard the words: “It looks like cancer.” I’d had a lump that was not cancerous before and I certainly did not expect the lump I found this year change my life so drastically. But, when tests revealed three malignant tumors, my life changed. For one thing my calendar has bunches of medical entries:

Aug 22 9:00 Biopsy
Aug 23 Call Confirms Cancer

Aug 30 9:00 MRI

Aug 30 11:00 Meet Surgeon Dr. Cross
Aug 31 9:00 Breast Center for Dye

Aug 31 12:15 Sentinel Node Surgery

Sept 7 8:00 Dr. Romaine
Sept 11 10:00 Blood Work before Surgery
Sept 12 10:30 Port Surgery
Sept 14 10:00 First Chemo

I am scheduled for six rounds of chemo. The last one is supposed to be December 28th and a mastectomy will be scheduled next year. My appointment book is not the only thing that took on a new look. I look different: I’m bald. And my outlook has been affected too. You can read more about this journey: finkholloway.blogspot.com. All of this serves as a reminder that each day is a treasure; each person is a treasure who should not be taken for grant it. The opportunities we have to do the things that matter the most should not wasted.

So I want to take this opportunity to say: I love you! I thank God for the ways that you have touched my life. I pray that you will be blessed this Christmas and throughout the New Year.

I am extremely grateful for Jerry and the rest of my family and dear friends who have surrounded me with their love and support.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

You make it easier for me to face this journey with pure joy. I was memorizing James 1:2 and had that card in my pocket on the day I went for my mammogram: “Consider it PURE JOY when ever you face different kinds of trials.” Since I have been healthy my entire life this is a different kind of trial, but your prayers and support have bought me joy. I know God is still in control. He is my healer and He will provide everything I need for each step of the way. His presence is the best Christmas present that helps us in our hard times.

Merry Christmas from the Holloways!

Chemo # 5 December 7

2007-12-06T20:57:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I go for my 5th chemo treatment, so keep me in your prayers. It is easy to get stuck in a dread this ordeal mindset. So pray that I will remember to take my focus off the negative things I endure and that I will be sensitive to the Lord. There are dozens of people in the chemo room who have needs. Obviously, the patients all have physical needs, but I have also met some nurses who were in need of a prayer or a word of encouragement. I have had special prayer times and even sang to some of the staff in the past. I'd like to give out some Gideon's Nurses New Testaments tomorrow if I get the chance.

The room where the chemo is administered reminds me of a small gym. No, the floor is not painted like a basketball court, but it is a large open area and the floor looks like a hard wood floor. I think it is a laminate wood floor that can be easily cleaned. There are recliners and IV poles against the wall on two sides of the room and a large nurses station in the middle. The third side of the room leads to private rooms with beds for the patients who are too ill to sit in a recliner, or who prefer privacy. The fourth side of the room has a counter with another nurses station, the entrance, a restroom, and a counter with refreshments. There are juices, sodas, and crackers with cheese or peanut butter available for those on chemo. It takes 3-4 hours for my chemo to drip into my veins and that seems to be average. The nurses do not want us to leave hungry. Fortunately, I have always had a friend or relative with me during my chemo who has brought real food for me to eat during my treatment. The nausea does not usually hit me in the first few hours so I have been able to eat lunch while I am at chemo. Some of the time I try to pass the time with a project of some type. I've tried to remember how to knit, but that has not worked out too good. The anti-nausea medications added to the IV tend to cloud your brain. Some knitters might be able to work without thinking but I am not one of them.

As I sit in the recliner there usually is a patient on my left and on my right who are also getting medications by IV. Some people get iron for severe anemia, but most of the people there are also getting some type of chemo for cancer. Since we sit beside each other for several hours, there is a chance for some conversation. So pray that I will not only listen to them as they speak, but I will also listen to the Holy Spirit to know how to respond and know how to be a blessing to them.

Pure Joy Update Written 11-27-07

2007-11-27T16:00:00.000-06:00

When I thought about what to write in this update I considered the phrase: I’m finished with four rounds of chemo. In a way that is true, but in a way it is not. I am no longer hooked up to the IV pole. It takes about four hours for me to receive the chemicals: Taxotere, Cytoxan & Adriamycin. 24 hours later I go back for an injection of Neulasta, which helps prevent infections by treating neutropenia (low white blood cell count) caused by the chemotherapy. But it takes 2-3 weeks before I feel normal. Every three weeks I go back for another round of chemo, so really there are only a few days that I feel strong again.

For me chemotherapy is similar to repelling down a cliff. When I’m at the top of the cliff I have a decent amount of energy. (It is never as good as it was before started this cancer treatment.) The descent is not like an airplane in a nose dive that crashes. I don’t walk away from a chemo session immediately feeling horrible, but I can feel my strength and appetite sinking for a couple days. By day three I lay pretty low. My energy is missing; my heartbeat jumps to 120 just to walk across the room, and the nausea medications create a brain fog and drowsiness. One time I tried to go somewhere on day three and the drive made the nausea much worse. Another time I moved quickly to answer the phone, and that caused vomiting. (Fortunately, I had a trash can by the desk.) On day three, it just makes sense to lay down most of the day and move slowly if I get up. On Monday I don’t feel like being in bed all day and I start the climb back to the top. It takes a good two weeks before my energy gets back to where it was before I had before I had my last chemo. The secondary infections that I have had make the climb harder. I have thrush again, so I’m using an awful tasting mouthwash and taking Fluconzaole one time a day for two weeks. So the phrase “I’m finished with four” isn’t quite accurate.

But I can say I’m far enough away from the fourth treatment to start feeling better.

And I am energized by some wonderful news:

Sharon will be giving her senior recital this Saturday, December 1, 2007.

A whole bunch of our relatives and friends are coming for it. I am especially delighted that my sister and her son Bob, and my brother and two of his daughters, and Joseph and Janelle and Josiah are coming!

Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine.”

I have felt more energy this time than any other time, and I know it is a reflection of the excitement I feel in my heart. Sharon has worked so hard for years and we are extremely proud of her. Many of you know that she broke both arms last year and could not play the piano for several months. It thrills my heart big time to know that her arms have healed so well that she can play the piano several hours a day. We thank the Lord for her recovery and for her life. She is not just a great pianist. She is a great person who loves the Lord and loves other people. Her life is a beautiful song.

Her senior recital program includes these works:

J. S. Bach English Suite No. 4 in F Major

L. van Beethoven Sonata No. 16 in G Major, Op. 31, No. 1

Franz Liszt Benediction of God in Solitude from his Poetic and Religious Pieces

Dmitri Shostakovich Prelude and Fugue in D minor, Op. 87, No. 24

John Field Nocturne No. 14 in G major

Samuel Barber Nocturne Op. 33 (Homage to John Field)

Please continue to pray for me and pray for Sharon. We both want to be healthy and be able to enjoy her recital and all the guests this weekend.

Third Chemo Treatment

2007-11-05T23:46:00.000-06:00

I had my third chemo on treatment October 26; the first week after chemo was rather difficult with secondary infections as well as the expected nausea and fatigue. So I am three for three as far as needing antibiotics to fight uninvited infections after chemo. Normally, I like to be around people who are consistent. But I will be very grateful if the next times I miss that part.

I had thrush this time which is a fungal infection. It was similar to the thrush babies get sometimes, but thrush can be very serious for a person on chemo because the immune system is so compromised. Fortunately, I contacted the nurse the first day I noted that my tongue was covered in a white substance and the infection started subsiding before the painful sores on my tongue and esophagus developed. Some people have sores so bad they can hardly stand to eat or drink anything with thrush, but I did not miss a meal and I am grateful for that.

I have written another poem that I'll share with you. It is called "I Praise You" and is a prayer of thanksgiving. Many of you should recognize yourself the third stanza as the ones who prayed, or sent a card, etc. I do thank God for each one of you. Your support helps more than you know.

I Praise You
By: Fink Holloway
November 2, 2007

Lord, I praise You for the pokes
And I praise You for the pain.
I know there is a purpose
And this process helps me gain

Precious time with my family
And with precious people too
As well as a perspective that makes me new.

So I praise You for the pokes
And I praise You for the pain
I know there is a purpose
And this process helps me gain

More appreciation for Your peace
And Your mighty power too.
The comfort of Your presence
Has calmed me through and through.

I praise You for the people
That provide support along the way.
I praise You for the words, the gifts, and cards
That inspire me every day.

I praise You for all my “family” who make time to pray
And for the ones who help in such practical ways.
I praise You for the people who prepare the food
And for those who accompany me to appointments too.
Their presence is so precious and helps my courage to renew.

I praise you for my husband who is a jewel to keep.
He has been so kind and he holds me when I weep.

I praise You for the people that I have just met
Because of this detour that I take without regret.

I praise You because You know the reason for this path that I take
And I praise You because You are wise and You make no mistakes.

I praise You, Lord, for the numerous ways
You help me preserve with pure joy in these difficult days.
I praise You.

Brooklynn Brings Pure Joy

2007-11-01T11:46:00.001-05:00

Our granddaughter dressed as a fairy

"Whys" Before Your Cross

2007-11-01T03:11:00.000-05:00

Here's a poem by Ruth Graham, Billy Graham's wife,
that my mom sent me several years ago.

"I lay my 'whys' before your cross
in worship kneeling
My mind too numb for thought
My heart beyond all feeling
And worshipping, realize that I in knowing you
don't need a 'why'."

Jerry & Fink Holloway Family

2007-10-30T11:55:00.000-05:00

Jerry & Fink Holloway Family

Back Row: David, Joseph, Jerry

Front Row: Brittney, Sharon, Janelle, Brooklynn on Fink's lap

Chemotherapy Journey

2007-10-15T23:59:00.000-05:00

I know some of you have heard about my progress through the chemo journey already, but others who don't see me very often have not had a very recent update. So this will fill you in.

I had quite of few of the expected side effects from chemo. Nausea, etc. I lost most of my hair between the first and second rounds of chemo and that was much harder than I expected.

On the morning of October 4th, before my shower I wrote these scriptures in my journal: "Isaiah 60:1 Arise, shine; For your light has come: And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. For behold the darkness shall cover the earth and deep darkness the people; But the Lord will arise over you (Me) and His glory will be seen upon you (Me)...Then you (I) shall see and become radiant and your (My) heart shall swell with joy." While pondering those verses I wrote: "Lord during this time of balding and chemo, when my human eyes look a t a human body that is less desirable, help me to see as you see--not as a flowed form, but as a willing container (imperfect at its best) that is capable of holding the Light of God, and the glory of the Lord. I want to be radiant with the beauty of Jesus and have heart that swells with joy. I want to know pure joy in the midst of my trials."

But about one hour later after my shower I wrote this: "So much for the joy!!! Right now I am stunned, and somewhere near tears because I took a shower and lost a ton of hair again. This has been going on for several days now. But for some reason this morning it feels different. It's one thing to finish your shower and know my hair looks thinner today. But today, you can see past the remaining hairs to my scalp in so many places! I am not thoroughally bald, but the process of going bald is so significant that volcanoes of emotion are ready to erupt without warning.

"Help me to remember, Lord, that my real joy is NOT predicated on outer appearance. My joy is Jesus joy that swells from a heart that is totally at peace with God. My heart is clean and I need a supernatural dose of Jesus joy to carry me through the day."

And with that prayer I made it through the day without tears, but in the safety of my home I cried again that night. And cried again several other times.

A few days later I wrote about the balding experience again:

October 9, 2007
"Why does it hurt so much to be forced to change our appearance? People dye their hair, or cut it off or put on a wig to get a new and different look every day. Many people do it for fun or to get attention. So why does the bald head must wear a wig routine seem so painful for someone on chemo? 1) I think it is because it is an unwanted change. We were forced to change because of circumstances out of control. 2) It is unexpected. You can tell someone: "You will go bald" all day. But nothing can really prepare you for the sight of yourself with so much scalp shining through. 3) It feels like a robbery. I feel violated: Like something has been taken from me that I valued. .....I know it is a temporary problem. I know it know it has no eternal significance. But that is no consolation to my emotions."

Besides the hair loss, I had a couple secondary infections with fever after my first round of chemo. So I was given an injection of Neulasta (which is supposed to boost my white blood cell count and prevent infections) after my second treatment. The normal range for white blood cells is 3.4-9.8. Mine was 8.9 before I started chemo. But a week after the second chemo my white blood cell count is still quite low 1.1 even with the Neulasta, and I have developed another infection. This time it's not a cold or fever. My port is infected, so I am on my third round of antibiotics. So I invite you to pray about my port problems. I am sure as you read this you can tell I do need your prayers and support, and I appreciate them more than I could ever say.

2nd Chemo Treatment

2007-10-02T20:33:00.001-05:00

I have my second round of chemo on Friday, October 5th. I have had several secondary infections since my first round and may have a transfusion of white blood cells after this one to help me fight infection.

I am - You Are

2007-09-22T18:34:00.000-05:00

I'd like to share a thought from my journal that contrasts what I am feeling or experiencing some of the time with what Jesus is All of the Time.

Yesterday, I spent most of my birthday alone and resting because I had a low grade fever and cold. On an ordinary day I would just ignore those symptoms and expect to heal on the go. But the chemo had caused my white blood cell counts to drop from 8.7 to 1.7 and I knew my body’s ability to fight infection was greatly compromised. During the day I wept as I realized that what I was experiencing after my first chemo treatment was going to be repeated for several months.

I am — You Are
By Fink Holloway
September 22, 2007

I don’t want to be so medicated.
I don’t want to be so nauseated.
I don’t want to be so constipated.
I don’t want to be so isolated.
I don’t want to feel so frustrated.

But sometimes

I am.

But God, when I consider who you are
Not just who you are today, but every day,
I know I can still trust you.

You are my Savior.
You are my king.
You put a song in my heart
That I still want to sing.

You are the reason I can persevere with pure joy.
You give me a hope that nothing I face in this life could ever destroy.
You are my life jacket.
You are my peace.
You are the reason I can relax and find sweet release.

You know how to heal
You know when I call.
You know how many hairs are still on my head.
You know when they will all fall.

God, when I consider who
YOU ARE
Not just who you are today, but every day
I know I can still trust you.
And I do!

Subscribe to Fink's Blog

2007-09-15T22:48:00.001-05:00

You may subscribe to Fink's Pure Joy Journal by entering your e-mail address in the box to the left and then clicking on the "subscribe" button.

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Fink appreciates your support and prayers while she walks through the cancer experience.

Roxie Carlton

New Port, Chemo Appt

2007-09-13T01:14:00.000-05:00

I had a new port implanted yesterday (Wednesday, 9/12/2007). That surgery went well, and I am planning to begin my chemo tomorrow afternoon (Friday, 9/14/2007). I plan to ride with Jerry to Springdale and work at the Schmieding Center in the morning. Then my friend Valerie is going to take me to the Highlands Oncolocy Group at 1:00. Jerry plans to meet us there. The treatment will take about 3 hours, but tomorrow I have to do blood work first and I expect it to take longer this first time.

I will be having a chemo treatment every three weeks for 6 weeks, so that takes me right up to the new year with the chemo. I expect to stay home from work when I feel like I have been hit by a freight train, and work when I feel like I can think clearly enough to contribute. Technically the cancer books don't say I will feel like I've been hit by a train, but some of the feed back from people who have been down that road gives that impression. If it is easier for me I'll be grateful. Whether it is a breeze or quite miserable, I know that I won't be facing it alone. The good Lord and dozens of you friends are travelling with me, and I am comforted by that!

One of the cards my mom sent had these words:
With God behind you and his arms beneath you, you can face whatever lies ahead of you! "Deuteronomy 33:27 Underneath are the everlasting arms."

Thanks for praying!

Gaze at the Lord

2007-09-07T01:05:00.000-05:00

I expect to be at Washington Regional Hospital on Tuesday morning for pre-op work (paper work, blood work, e.k.g., etc,). Then on Tuesday afternoon I meet with a genetic counselor to help establish my risk factors. I meet with my oncologist after that to get the details about my first chemo treatment, discuss possible side effects and ask questions.

Wednesday I’ll be back at the hospital at 7:45am to get a port which will be used for the chemo. The MRI & sentinel node IVs caused an acute inflammatory response, so the port is needed before chemo—which should begin on Friday the 14. So keep me in your prayers.

My mother had breast cancer in 1988, and the poem I wrote then is relevant now for me.

Gaze at the Lord
By: Fink Holloway
July 27, 1988

When life isn't giving me its best
And I'm being put right to the test
It's easy to let my thoughts dwell on the trouble
But doing that makes it all seem to double.
So should I bury my head in the sand,
And pretend that all is great at hand?
No, but when facing reality I can't afford
To forget about my Sovereign Lord.
I'll glance at the trouble,
But gaze at the Lord.
I'll remember that He is the One adored.

Then, when life is awesome and great
Should I just enjoy myself and celebrate?
No, in health or success I still can't afford
To forget about my sovereign Lord.
I'll glance at this world,
But gaze at the Lord,
And remember that He is the One adored.

When I look at Him my priorities become right.
Things that won't last don't make me up tight.
If it won't even matter when we get up there
It shouldn't consume me--be a constant care.
Though I glance at this life,
I must gaze at the Lord
And remember that He is the One adored.

Whether you're happy or sad
Whether it's great or it's bad
Just glance at the circumstances.
Gaze at the Lord.
Remember, He is the One adored.

"Gaze at the Lord"
Copyright 1988:
Fink Holloway
22692 Hwy. 295
Wesley, AR 72773
479-456-2949

3 Tumors, Mastectomy Mandatory

2007-09-01T18:53:00.000-05:00

I have 3 tumors with inflamatory ductal carcinoma that span 4.9 centimeters, and I have been told that a mastectomy is mandatory. Honestly, I expected to hear that recommendation after researching info on multiple tumors in the breast. My lumps are not "in situ" or cancer that is contained within the milk duct. It is invasive--spreading into the rest of the breast tissue, and I really would have felt uneasy if the doctory had recommended a lumpectomy. I asked if the mastectomy would eliminate the need for chemo, because some people do not require chemo if the cancer is contained in the breast.

To find the answer, I went to the surgery center on Friday and had a sentinal node biopsy to see if the cancer had spread to any lymph nodes. I learned today that it has. Dr. Cross removed 4 nodes and only one was positive for cancer. It is good news for me that most of the lymph nodes did not have cancer. But I am going to go ahead and have the chemo since it has begun to spread to other parts of my body. The chemo will preceed the mastectomy, and will begin as soon as we can get it scheduled. Monday is a holiday, so it will be Tuesday before calls can be made to schedule the
next thing.

Besides cancer I have another problem that I would love for you to pray about:

I had one I.V. for the MRI on Thursday and another I.V. Friday for the sentinel node surgery, and both sites became inflamed. The one from the MRI sent a red streak up my arm, and so I have been laying around with an ice pack in my arm pit for the incision, which is two inches across and 2 1/2 inches deep, and with a heating pad on my lower arm to try to aid in the healing of the phlebitis. The 2 for 2 pattern of problems occurring in my veins from an I.V. is rather disturbing especially when you consider all the "Bee Stings" that are in my future. Personally, I think they should call the needle pokes "flea bites" since I'm getting phlebitis from it. (ha!)

Dr. Cross said when a vein has an acute inflamatory response they can never use that vein for and I.V. again. So I probably am going to have to have a port to start the chemo.

Love you all and thanks again for praying!

Mammogram not normal

2007-08-21T00:56:00.000-05:00

The mammogram I had on Tuesday, August 21st, was not normal. It was followed by a biopsy on Wednesday, and on Thursday, I learned that I have breast cancer. It is an Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma; 80% of all breast cancers are that type. I have a MRI this Thursday morning and meet with Dr. Cross later that morning at 11:00 a.m. I have been told he is "the best boob man in NWA"-so I am grateful to have an appointment with him.

Please keep me in your prayers.

I know that many of you have a mom or a friend who is also dealing with this issue. Or you may be facing it yourself, even though breast cancer usually strikes the grandma generation instead of the mommy generation. (I do have two grandchildren now!!)

Feel free to e-mail me so we can support each other. I am adding entries to my prayer journal quite often and would be willing to share my thoughts with others who are in the midst of a similar battle.

Thanks to all of you who will join me in prayer.

Fink Holloway
Schmieding Center for Senior Health and Education
Administrative Assistant

Caregivers Should Take Aim at Goals

2007-07-02T19:19:00.000-05:00

Caregivers Should Take Aim At Goals,
Care For Self
This article was published on Monday, January 29, 2007
By Fink Holloway
Special to The Morning News

Website:
http://www.nwaonline.net/articles/2007/02/09/your_family/013007yfschmieding.txt

It is basketball season and we know that the players who excel spend hours shooting at the goal to improve their game. Since your work as a caregiver is so much more important than basketball, you also need to practice. Practice to reach your caregiver goals. Some days your "ball" will fall short of your goal, but keep on trying.

Caregiver Goals

1. Take care of yourself.

Eat healthy foods. Take a nap. Get away. Take time for a walk or trip to the mall for you own pleasure. These trips not only provide physical exercise, but bring fresh air to your spirit.

Too many caregivers do not realize the importance of taking care of themselves. They work without sleep, skip meals, and eliminate all of their former interests to care for someone they love. That isn't good. Some people who tried to be on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week have died trying to provide care for their loved one. Don't kill yourself trying to do more than one person can possibly do.

When my father was terminally ill, there were times when my mother slept in the bedroom next door to my father so that she would not have constant interruptions throughout the night. She knew the child who was working the night shift would call for her if she was needed, and she didn't need to be awakened every time Dad needed a drink. She was exhausted and needed some sleep. It was good for her to take care of herself so that in the morning she had more energy to give to Dad.

2. Get some help.

It is not just "OK" to ask your children or your neighbors to help you with meals or help with the care of your loved one; it is a very wise thing to do.

When someone offers to help, by all means accept it. One way to let them know what they can do is to make a list of the things you are doing. Then when someone offers to help show them the list and let them choose the things they could do. Include things like: buy the groceries, prepare meals, do laundry, clean the house, drive to the doctor's office, pick up prescriptions, and stay with your loved one so you can get out. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness. The wisest and wealthiest businessmen recruit other people to assist them. So don't wait until your loved one qualifies for Hospice to seek Respite care.

Individuals who have a stroke or Alzheimer's disease may need care for several years. Their caregivers need a break too. Many community and church groups have volunteers who give help. If you do not know anyone who can assist you, contact The Schmieding Center for Senior Education. The Schmieding Center has a Resource List with information on volunteer organizations and adult day care centers. The Schmieding Center also has a list of home caregivers who can be hired. Call 479-751-3043 and ask for the Caregiver Directory. It lists names and phone numbers of individuals who are trained to give care in the home. The cost of hiring a trained caregiver to come in the home runs from $8 to $12 per hour.

3. Look for assistive devices.

If the condition that caused you to become a caregiver is new to you, there is a very good chance that you do not know about helpful gadgets and medical equipment that are available. Some of the bigger items such as hospital beds and mechanical lifts can be rented. Many other tools that make life easier can be purchased. Stop by a medical supply store or drug store and ask the clerk if he knows of products that are helpful for someone who has the condition with which you are dealing. There are items that promote safety, save time, and protect the back of the caregiver. Some devices are designed to restore independence to individuals. These make an excellent investment and may be covered by Medicare and/or private insurance. Look in the yellow pages under Medical Equipment and Supplies for a listing of the stores in your area.

4. Smile.

When a person is tired or overwhelmed, it is easy to become grumpy and frown. So practice smiling. Sometime today, look in the eyes of your loved one and give them a warm smile. You will both feel better. Smile at the person you are caring for AND smile at yourself. Whether you look in a literal mirror or just look in your soul, smile at yourself and give yourself some pats on the back. Coaches love it when players smack each other on the back or give high fives. Athletes who are in the prime of their life need to hear: "Good job!" Caregivers need encouragement too. So smile at yourself, and encourage yourself. You will find your job is easier when you smile while you work. Don't forget to smile at the physicians and nurses you meet. That little expression of warmth is bound to be a blessing anywhere you go.

5. Be Gentle.

Many people recognize the letters TLC -- Tender Loving Care. As a caregiver, make every effort to be gentle and kind. The person you care for is more likely to cooperate and be pleasant when you give the care in a way that shows tenderness and respect. If a person feels threatened or abused by rough treatment, he is going to resist, and make your job harder. Yanking the sheets or clothing can actually tear the skin, creating additional pain for your loved one and extra work for you. Your personal satisfaction as a caregiver will be greater when you know you have treated others the way you would like to be treated.

Basketball teams would never have a winning season if each player practiced alone and merely worked to sharpen his skills as an individual. Coaches know the importance of team work, and they work hard building the team spirit. Caregiving is also intended to be a "team sport." Caregivers who try to beat the odds alone could put their loved one at risk. If exhaustion and fatigue set in, performance could decline. So make a conscious effort to be a team player. Seeking advice and support from others who are traveling down the same road is bound to be of great benefit and will help you in reaching your goals.

The Schmieding Center has two support groups for caregivers: Family Centered Caregiving (which meets on the third Monday of each month), and Family Caregivers of Persons with Dementia (which meets the second Tuesday and fourth Wednesday of each month). Contact Carolyn Wheeler at 751-3043 for more information. There are others in your community and family who can play a key role in your caregiving and help give your loved one the very best care possible.

Fink Holloway is an administrative assistant for
The Schmieding Center for Senior Health And Education.

Schmieding CenterFor Senior HealthAnd Education
(800) 866-8991

Springdale
2422 N. Thompson
751-3043

Bella Vista
1801 Forest Hills Blvd.
876-2335

Keeping the "care" in caregiving

2007-07-01T18:38:00.000-05:00

Elder Focus
Volume 2, Issue 4
July-September 2005
A publication of Schmieding Center
Website address:
http://www.schmiedingcenter.org/pdf/EF_v2_4.pdf

Through the Eyes of the Caregiver

Caring comes naturally for Fink Holloway; just ask her family, friends, or co-workers. Though caring informally for those around her has been a life-long occupation, serving as a professional caregiver came later. Her first experience as a paid caregiver was providing respite care for an extended family member and she went on to provide respite care for her father until his death. Fink’s next caregiving challenge came in the form of Ella, who became not just her client, but also her friend.

At age 77, Ella had been extremely independent and active, but a car accident left her a quadriplegic. After some initial gains through treatment and physical therapy, her progress plateaued and Ella needed assistance for every activity of daily living. Fink received initial instruction from a registered nurse who served as caregiver for Ella for a year. While Ella’s physical needs were being met, Fink realized that Ella “needed more than a bath, she needed a life.” Beyond just preparing to provide physical care, Fink sought out enriching opportunities to enhance Ella’s quality of life.

When Fink heard of the opportunity to further her training at the Schmieding Center, she made a call and enrolled in the Elder Pal course. She also went on to attend the more advanced Personal Care Assistant and Home Care Assistant courses.

As Ella’s condition and needs changed, Fink found the advanced training very helpful. “The Schmieding nurse educators were knowledgeable, compassionate and helpful. When I came back for Continuing Education classes, they went beyond just instruction, specifically asking about Ella’s condition and offering ideas, information, and support that allowed me to give her even better care.”

Fink was exposed to advanced training and experts who walked and talked her through procedures that she eventually had to put to use in caring for Ella. When she started caring for Ella, some of the skills covered in the advanced Schmieding training weren’t immediately necessary, but as Ella’s condition declined, Fink was grateful that she was prepared to continue to provide care for the increasing needs.

If Ella’s family had not been able to find trained, competent caregivers, they would have been unable to keep her at home. Like most families, they still had jobs and responsibilities of their own. The assistance of a professional caregiver gave them the peace of mind to both care for their mother and have a life of their own.

For Fink Holloway, home caregiving was a calling, not just a profession. “I don’t ever want to be in the business of just caregiving,” said Fink. “With Ella, I saw myself more as a friend than an aide and I think it’s the same for most of the students who are drawn to the Schmieding training.

Caring for others is more about the relationship than the job.” The Schmieding curriculum puts great emphasis on personal dignity and respect. “These aren’t just textbook concepts, they are inherent in the way the skills are approached and carried out.” “At Schmieding there is a saying, ‘Caregivers Care’ that’s the heart of this place. Schmieding cultivates that attitude in the students who are trained here.”